Absence makes your heart feel squandered

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This article was published 19/08/2024 (725 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: “Love” is the wrong word for what I’m feeling from my boyfriend these days. He has been going with new friends to their cabins every weekend. I don’t blame anyone for wanting to take advantage of summer weekends, but he never takes me.

Naturally, on the weekdays when he’s home, I want to see him a lot. But get this: On Mondays he’s resting up from his tiring weekend of lake partying and “needs his sleep.” On Tuesdays he’s “got to get some golfing in” with his city buddies.

On Wednesdays we go out for dinner and home to bed for some much-needed sex and affection.

Thursday is the same, but he yawns in my face when it’s over, and goes home to his own bed. I don’t think he needs me emotionally, like I need him! I don’t feel it.

Then, Friday morning he’s got his energy back — and I have to say goodbye to him for the weekend. What do you think? Is it even worth it? Does he really love me when he can be away from me this much?

— Alone Most Nights, St. Vital

Dear Alone: A weekly two-out-of-seven nights of attention is not a passing grade for a “going-steady” relationship, but you’re hanging in there for some reason. Why? Most boyfriends would treat you better than this. Also, do you not think there are other girls up at the lake that these guys are chasing?

It’s time to find a guy who really enjoys being with you and is open to all kinds of summer fun in the city, like festivals, concerts, park events, air-conditioned movies — not to mention lots of affection, sex and conversation when you get home.

It’s definitely time to give this guy who’s disrespecting you the boot!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went camping recently with my snoring girlfriend. She sounded like a freight engine. I brought earplugs, but the people over the bushes could hear her snoring all night long. They complained to the management.

We got a reprimand and a warning over that night.

In the morning, our neighbours got themselves moved to another lot far away — but not before they told me off. I was protesting it was not me, and that it was my girlfriend who snores.

They said, “What kind of guy blames his girlfriend for his snoring?” I heard my girlfriend laughing hysterically in our tent. I was suddenly sick of her company and didn’t want to endure another night of her racket. I told her we should just pack it in.

She was deeply annoyed and stopped talking. I got stone-cold silence from her all the way home.

So, I told her I was sick and tired of our relationship. She called me names and I said, “Don’t ever call me again.” Since then she has not quit calling me, day and night! What should I do?

— Tele-Pestered, West End

Dear Tele-Pestered: Let’s talk about your choice of a mate. Never think that you are exempt from rudeness when you’re hanging out with a rude person. The minute they think you’ve somehow disrespected them, they’re not going to be careful of their words, your space or your privacy. They’ve got the nerve and the experience to harass you.

It’s not surprising you’re getting round-the-clock nuisance calls, but you can stop it quickly. Just find your phone’s call-blocking function and that harassment will stop immediately.

This doesn’t mean she can’t call you from a friend’s phone and get through to you, but just hang up when you hear her voice.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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