Get proactive when it comes to mate’s work stress

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This article was published 20/08/2024 (771 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My partner is super-restless — up every three hours, saying he can’t sleep because of worries at his job. I ask about his worries and he won’t tell me. I ask if something bad is going on, he says there is but then clams up and won’t fill me in. I’m worried sick for him.

He doesn’t have much education, but he even worked after school since he was seven years old, doing all kinds of different things, including unpaid jobs at his family’s store. He also did a lot of the looking after the little kids at home as he got older.

But now he has this job that makes him sick and nervous and I’m scared for him. What can I do?

— Needing to Help My Man, Winnipeg

Dear Needing to Help: Your partner is in a bad workplace — so bad he fears talking about it. No doubt that means he really needs to leave that place for another job, pronto.

If he won’t tell you exactly what’s wrong, it may be because it would put you in danger to be in the know.

Stop quizzing him and just tell him you’re going to help him find a different job. Say, “We’re going to get you out of there, and here’s how I’m going to help you speed that up.”

Start by working with him making a resumé. Ask him about every task he ever did at his parents’ store, including taking cash, stocking shelves, assisting customers and helping do inventory.

Then there’s the at-home jobs he did when his parents were out, such as cooking meals, housecleaning, lawn-mowing, gardening, car-washing and the childcare of his siblings.

Also ask him about the music, arts and sports he may have been involved in at school, as well as any other interests.

In short, make it a lively resumé.

When potential employers are sifting through all the resumés from job applicants, they are intrigued by seeing a range of life and work experiences — as they show a “can-do” personality.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a businessman and have a male secretary who’s great with people on the phone. However, some older customers can’t get over the fact I’m a woman and he’s called my secretary. He answers all the phone calls I have switched over to his desk, and some prejudiced people will still insist to him: “Let me talk to the real secretary.”

I realize another expression for secretary could be “executive assistant,” but I also have two of those.

My personal secretary just makes appointments for me. There’s one request every 10-15 minutes, plus he’s also making appointments on my behalf to talk to other people in my business sphere.

My executive assistants handle different aspects of my business, which are full-time jobs.

How can I straighten out people who are still too old-fashioned to accept a “secretary” who doesn’t wear a skirt?

— So Annoyed, St. James

Dear Annoyed: There are two possibilities for clearing this up with prejudiced folks. You can drop the word “secretary” and say, “Let me refer you to my booking assistant Mr. So-and-So.”

If they still need a little education, mention the open and liberal atmosphere at your office. Tell them you know they will be fine with that even if they aren’t.

Better to give too much credit than too little, and hopefully bring out the best in people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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