Sweet summer reset quickly turns sour

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This article was published 06/09/2024 (711 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I both took some time off this summer to patch up our marriage after we almost broke up over some serious issues — his cheating and my spending freely to get even.

We decided we loved each other and had too much to lose, so we needed to stop fighting and start fresh.

We both asked our bosses for time off and spent four weeks at the lake. It really worked — while we were there.

My husband went home a week before I did, as he said his boss called and really needed him back ASAP due to some problems at the office. I almost stayed at the cabin for the entire final rental week, but I missed my man so much after two nights alone, I packed up on the third day and drove home to surprise him.

It was quite a surprise for both of us. There was a truck parked in front, so I thought he must have had a work friend over.

I skipped through the front door and yelled, “Hi, honey, I’m home early,” and heard some scrambling. Then somebody ran out the back door. I saw a woman with long brown hair running through the back gate and then drive away.

After falling back in love with my husband at the lake, I was so hurt and emotional, I almost passed out. He swears the woman had just dropped in and nothing happened, but they were in the bedroom area.

Plus, why would she run out like that if nothing was going on?

What now? I am more hurt than ever.

— Horrible Pain, St. Vital

Dear Horrible Pain: You may be your husband’s favourite woman these days — but you’re not his only woman.

Some people have done so much messing around in their lives that being true might mean only loving you, but not only making love to you. They’re just not monogamous anymore, even if their primary relationship is going swimmingly.

Your husband may actually love you, but he can’t or won’t stay true sexually, because it doesn’t mean anything to him — and he’s used to the action and variety.

Sadly for you, being true does mean a lot. Now you have painful proof he’s not going to be true to you, even after your wonderful holiday together. If you stay with him, the cheating will continue, although he’ll probably try to hide it better. Some couples can live like that, but can you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter came home from her summer job as a camp counsellor blond from the sun, filled out on top and wearing heavy black cat-eye makeup that goes way up the side of her face. I almost didn’t recognize her. She went from being my tall, gangly girl to a scary-looking young woman.

I cried to my husband, while we were in bed, that I wanted my baby back. He said he was scared by her new look, too.

I asked if he could talk to her about toning things down so she wouldn’t look too sultry, but he said that would just backfire on us.

What can we do instead? This new version of her frightens me.

— Nervous Mom, East Kildonan

Dear Nervous Mom: You’re older and smarter than a teenager, so try tricking your daughter instead of criticizing her and causing a full-scale rebellion.

Mention casually to her that you noticed she’s interested in makeup, which is a totally natural thing for people her age. Then buy her a gift certificate for a session with a professional makeup artist and don’t forbid anything. Bear in mind, though, she wants the noticeable “big-eyes” look.

Then, when making the arrangement privately, explain to the artist you’re OK with your daughter looking pretty, but not in a more extreme way with heavy eyeliner.

She may be able to get your daughter to dump the cat-eye look in favour of semi-permanent false eyelashes. They are medium-dramatic and not as provocative. You’d be wise to settle with that compromise.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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