Red lace slap in the face an out-of-the-blue shock

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This article was published 05/09/2024 (759 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was away for the first week of August visiting my relatives and left my partner at home alone. I came back and everything seemed to be fine. But the next morning after my husband went to work, my whole world blew up.

I started doing some cleaning, so I flipped the mattress by myself and I got a terrible shock. I found a red lace teddy and stockings underneath it on my side — they were definitely not mine.

I went a bit nuts and called my husband at work and asked when he started cross-dressing.

He denied it.

I started yelling, asking him that if he wasn’t cross-dressing, then whose underwear did I find under our mattress?”

I never dreamed he’d cheat on me. “Love you, babe,” are the last words I would always hear from him before we went to sleep. But he hadn’t said anything sweet to me when I left to travel this time, or when I returned.

Then I pondered who this secret woman could be. Lately, he’s always been hanging around with this new best friend from work. I had her number, so I called her up and said I was coming over because I had a few red lace items to return to her that were left under my mattress. I got dead silence, and then a click. She was definitely guilty.

I didn’t go over — I really didn’t need to. I don’t want to give my husband to her, but I also don’t want a man who doesn’t want to love me and be faithful to me.

I was out of town for just one week and he pulled this? I’m still in shock. What should I do?

— SOS, Charleswood

Dear SOS: It’s hard enough breaking up, but when everything seemed OK with your man and you innocently went on a holiday, it was understandably a terrible shock to come home to this situation.

You need to know what has been going on in your husband’s mind, for how long and exactly why he would be cruel enough to cheat on you the way he did.

Can you patch it up? Can you ever trust him again? Not likely. But you still need to have some serious talks, and it would be best to have a counsellor there to referee and help you both express your feelings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I seriously mourn the loss of long summer light every year. I’m feeling my depression early this time, and I’m scared. It usually comes on in mid-September, but this year I started dreading the end of summer in early August.

Over the last two weeks it has hit me so hard. It’s warm enough outside still, but it’s the loss of light I’m hyper-aware of, and it makes me feel depression coming on.

I’ve been told I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and have seen several doctors, which has helped me somewhat.

Last year I spent two happy winter months in Europe in a country that doesn’t have dark, cold winters like ours. I stayed with my grandparents, who doted on me. I feel like my soul must have lived there in another lifetime, as I am so suited to that climate.

It was wonderful being there — so freeing for me — but I came back to Canada because my family and friends all live here and they were begging me to come home.

What should I do? I am fearful of our dark Canadian months.

— Fearful of Future, West End

Dear Fearful: Luckily, a partial solution has been revealed to you by your trip to visit your grandparents. Finding a job that could be done remotely online could allow you to be in warmer locales wherever you need to be. It could be a long-term goal for managing your SAD.

Seasonal affective disorder can sometimes flare up with symptoms in the early fall or late summer, as yours is doing this year. At home, it’s time to pull out the indoor SAD lights and also to spend as much time out in the sunshine as you can.

It’s also time to see your medical team and reveal you’re experiencing an early arrival of SAD. You may need to update your treatment plan.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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