You liberated self from ‘queen’; don’t look back now

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/09/2024 (696 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just ran into a ghost! I was in a well-known shopping mall when I saw my wife from another life. She was walking arm-in-arm with a man who was clearly her husband, or lover. She must have felt my wide-eyed stare, because she looked over and waved at me. Her new guy was big — looked like a football player or something. I’m a smaller man.

Since then, my ex — the Queen of Mean — has tried to get in touch with me, and has left cute little messages. I want to see her again, in a way, but I don’t need the pain. It took me a year of therapy visits to get over her. Why is she calling me now?

— Can’t Sleep, Tuxedo

Dear Can’t Sleep: She was once your ruling queen, and thankfully, now she’s not. Keep it that way! She may have wanted to see if she could still get to you and work her magic. Don’t call her back. If it’s bothering you too much not to respond, see your former therapist for a refresher session. It’ll be worth the time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m not even five-feet tall, but I’ve eaten my way up to just over 200 pounds. My young husband is insisting I lose the weight, because I “don’t look like the woman he married three years ago.” Those words are burned into my brain now, because they’re hurtful, and sadly true.

I’m scared to go to my doctor, as I’ve gained so much weight. For some reason I don’t understand, I get depressed every day, and then I eat like a pig. I feel terrible about it.

I also don’t feel loving towards my husband anymore, and I don’t want to have sex with him. Our marriage isn’t what I thought it would be, but I don’t know exactly why. I don’t love him and I don’t want to have children with him now, even though I would love to start a family. I still want a family of two or three kids one day. Please help me!

— So Messed Up, North End

Dear Messed Up: Not wanting to continue your present marriage, nor to start a family with your husband, could certainly be part, or all, of the reason you’re overeating.

But this can’t continue! Depression due to feeling trapped in a relationship is serious issue, as is putting on a lot of weight in a short period of time. See your physician ASAP and ask for help in finding a psychologist or psychiatrist to dig out everything that’s eating you.

Then you can get to the root of the problem — which may involve breaking up with your present husband, sooner rather than later.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 22, and I met a very strange girl at the bar in the summer. Now that it’s becoming fall, I’m trying to shake her off — with no luck!

She’s 25, but acts like she’s 18. She has a pretty face and lots of weird and scary-looking tattoos. I stupidly took her home to my apartment a few times in the summer because she wanted sex with me — and I’m lonely a lot of the time.

I treated her nicely, because that’s the way I am. But now she says she’s “in love” with me, and won’t let me go. I’ve totally stopped calling her, but she knows my favourite hangouts and she always finds me by the end of the night. Why would she bother tracking me down? I’m not that good-looking and my ex- girlfriend told me I had no imagination when it came to sex.

This woman scares me with her crazy sex! I just want her to go away. I think, “What if she got pregnant by me, and I got stuck with her and her child?” I wish I’d never slept with her the first time! How do I get rid of her now?

— Can’t Shake Her, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Can’t Shake Her: This young woman can’t get pregnant by you, if you completely stop having sex with her — not even an occasional tryst on a lonely night.

Explore new places in a totally different neighbourhood now, and start frequenting them. Try to spend some without her “running into you” at all. Let her get over you and hook up with a new guy, who may actually care for her. That’d be best for both of you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography