You may be spoiled for choice, but not real love

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This article was published 27/09/2024 (701 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The former love of my life, who moved off to work in Ontario years ago, is suddenly back here with a job in her field. Whoop-di-doo! She’s a mathematical genius, but ditzy in real life. She phoned me up last week and asked to go for drinks and dinner.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I said, “Why not?” and named a place.

Over dinner she ordered quite a few “drinkies” and got tanked. Get this: she said, “I’ve had all summer to think about us. We’re made for each other. Let’s get married, and have three little red-haired kids!”

She’s auburn, I’m golden-red — it’d be quite the combination. Still, it’s just foolishness. Let’s hope it was the booze talking, or else she’s really losing it. I must admit she’s actually pretty cute when she gets like that, but there should be more to married love than matching carrot tops.

Anyway, I already have a new girlfriend as of August long weekend, and I’m crazy about her — though in a quieter, different way. Still, I keep thinking about these two women being in love with me, and comparing them. Who do I really love more?

— Eeny, Meeny…, North Kildonan

Dear Eeny, Meeny: You don’t appear to love either of these women, or you’d know the winner of this childish game in your own head by now.

Real love involves deep feeling, inspired by admiration for all kinds of things beyond physical traits, like personality, values, accomplishments, mutual respect. Then there are common interests and goals, shared values, sexual attraction and lifestyle compatibility.

It’s time to break away from both these women. Then it’s time to try to find someone who inspires all your love, attraction and admiration.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife seems to think I don’t know about the “big man” she goes to visit. I got a tip from a close friend who works with me. He keeps spotting her one-of-a-kind vehicle parked in a half-open barn-like structure, right beside this jerk’s house on the outskirts of the city.

So, I quickly investigated the “big man” online, and did a couple of quick drive-bys past his yard. I saw him once, and he’s big all right — tall, muscled and still an athlete. He’s the perfect guy to break my wife’s heart — and teach her a lesson she’ll never forget!

I’ll admit I’ve been no angel — but I’m always discreet and never got caught.

The good friend who tipped me off warned me he’d heard the big guy really “gets around” and my wife could catch something bad from him. Luckily, I’ve stopped having sex with my wife. She isn’t complaining — or even really noticing.

How should I approach the explosive subject of this guy romancing her? This can’t go on, but I must admit, I’m nervous. I have a lot of money and investments I could lose to this woman.

— Trying to Play It Cool, West End

Dear Playing It Cool: When you know your spouse is cheating, and you have money you want to hang onto, you should button your lip and go see a lawyer. Look at what’s at stake financially, and what you can protect.

Then see a counsellor and figure out how to address the cheating (by both of you) and the seemingly inevitable end to your marriage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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