Surprise return of old flame calls for some tact

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This article was published 01/11/2024 (660 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just met the love of my new work friend. I’m in shock.

I didn’t realize I would know him — she had only told me his first name. It turns out he was my junior high crush years ago. We went to school dances together and necked up a storm afterwards, but when things were getting exciting between us, his family moved to another city.

I hadn’t seen him since he was skinny, awkward and his voice was cracking big time, but he’s certainly changed now that he’s 27.

He’s back in the city for a job, and when I first set eyes on him again, I couldn’t speak properly to get out a hello. He looked amused at my shocked reaction.

The problem is this: all I can think about now is the grown-up version of him, and I really want to phone him and go see him privately. I bet he’s a wonderful lover.

I just can’t stand being around him and my friend now because he’s openly affectionate, and so is she. I still remember his roving hands from junior high.

Unfortunately, the only way to see him now is to join my girlfriend and him on a double date with my current guy. (Yawn.) My boyfriend is not the least bit interesting to me now and he won’t be my main man for long.

Still, I can’t have my girlfriend’s guy either — at least not right away. She’s crazy about him, and I can’t blame her.

So, what can I do now? Should I confess and distance myself, or just wait for their romance to cool off?

— Sweating It Out, East Kildonan

Dear Sweating: Waiting for your friend to get tired of this guy might take a lifetime, so you’re going to have to stay away while they’re together and you’ll have to tell your girlfriend why that is so.

She may appreciate the fact you’re keeping your distance and not hanging around to compete. In fact, she might tell her boyfriend why you cooled your friendship with her — because he’s sure to ask.

That would be good for you. If it doesn’t work out with them, who knows? He may come looking for you again — but don’t waste your time waiting. Instead, look for a new guy, who’s a lot like him. Life is short.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was always considered a cute guy, but cute doesn’t cut it when you’re older. I’m pushing 39 now and I’m still single, and still five-foot-four. So much for the growth spurt. I have curly hair, and worse than that, I have a turned-up nose, like a little kid.

I do lift weights and have muscular arms, chest and thighs, but that doesn’t make me any taller. I always wear boots with a higher heel and thicker sole, but that barely buys me two inches.

Recently this attractive woman at work has been flirting with me. Yesterday on a coffee break, she dropped the fact her last boyfriend was short like me. Is that supposed to make me feel like she’s willing to take on a smaller guy? Should I be grateful?

The trouble is, I actually do like her otherwise.

— Short Shrift, downtown

Dear Short Shrift: Don’t be foolish enough to question this woman’s taste in men. She obviously doesn’t care about your height, since she’s openly flirting. She’s trying to let you know she likes you in every way. If you’re attracted to her as well, enjoy what she could be offering — friendship, harmless flirting and maybe a relationship.

Granted, you work in the same place, and that may be an issue for some people, but there are lots of romances at workplaces that are out in the open.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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