Your hearts are pulling in opposing directions

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/11/2024 (672 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend from Winnipeg loves living and working in northern Manitoba (where I live) and wants to stay here for good. He says he’s serious, but I was born and raised here, and it’s not an easy life.

He told me this news when we woke up the other morning, and he also said he seriously loves me and wants to make a life together. Then he happily told me he’ll be a northern guy forever now with no moving back down south.

It’s my dream to escape to the south to live one day. When he saw my shocked face over his “proposal” he quickly noted he would be up for spending one month a year in southern Manitoba, visiting relatives or going on a holiday. I didn’t say anything and just put the blankets over my head.

I’m in shock at his proposal. It feels like he’s saying, “Marry me and we’ll be happy in cold-weather jail forever.”

— Dreaming of the South, northern Manitoba

Dear Dreaming of the South: Be glad your sweetheart confessed this now. Some people hide what they think could be unpopular living preferences, thinking they can talk their partners into moving where they prefer once they’re married. Some will, but some won’t.

You two need a deal up front if you’re going to get together seriously. The promise of one month in southern Manitoba probably isn’t going to cut it for you.

But some northern folk, if they can afford it, travel two or three times a year to warm and sunny climes and also to visit family and friends in southern Canada.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I accidentally got my girlfriend pregnant and she says she’s keeping the baby no matter what I say.

Last week she moved in with her mother, who is a strong woman in every way, and my girlfriend’s a fighter, too. She tore a strip off me last night after I came over to try to talk some sense into her about terminating the pregnancy. But there was no use talking, so I just left.

This morning, I called my girlfriend and couldn’t get through. I was blocked. Around noon, she contacted me online and said she’s no longer my girlfriend and that she and the baby are cutting all ties with me. What?

It seems her mother has offered to support her and the child for as many years as they want. Her mom makes a ton of money and wields a lot of power over her daughter. Where can I possibly go from here?

— Not Ready for Parenthood, St. Vital

Dear Not Ready: The decision to terminate is not yours — and every negative word you say will be remembered. Sadly, it’s possible the child will one day hear what was said at this point.

Since the mother and grandmother of this unborn child want to bring him or her into the world and offer loving care, back off with as much grace as you can. You’ll still be required to pay child support and someday you might change your mind about your kid and want to play some role in their life.

If you’ve been cold, absent and cruel, it will probably be too late. Harsh words often can’t be taken back.

So what can you do right now?

Get some counselling and try to gain some perspective on things. This baby you helped create will be partly you and is totally innocent. If you can’t be accepting, kind and loving, at least monitor your mouth and make sure your words won’t do any harm if they’re passed on down the road.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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