Set some ground rules for flirty, forthright mom

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/01/2025 (621 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My impassioned mother just bought a new house, next block over from us. We all know she’s lonely for male company since my father died.

She’s funny and blunt — like me — and has said more than once to me and my poor husband, “I need a man!” She’s always been embarrassingly sexual, and her outspoken nature has often left me mortified, over the years. But now she’s acting more like my best female buddy, not my mother. I don’t want this.

My husband thinks I’m making a big deal over nothing, but who’s he to talk? He’s got a building project going on in our basement — a new bar and games room — and he’s been unwittingly supplying the men for Mom. He’s been having different buddies from his sports team coming over to help with the project. He actually finds it amusing to tell my mother, which ones are “open game.”

My mom’s not shy about chasing men. She brings over baked treats, and heads straight downstairs to “chit-chat.”

“How are my guys?” she calls out on the way down. They love the snacks and the flirty attention. That means trouble. Now, two guys that I know of, have contacted her — one single and one who is unhappy still married. I want her to back off, and leave my husband’s buddies alone. What can I do?

— Upset Daughter, Westwood

Dear Upset: Lead with honest emotions. Say, “Mom, you’re making me upset and nervous. Flirting with my husband’s friends is just too much, and connecting with the married guys is totally off-limits.”

She may go along with that, or just take her flirting underground.

Also, Mom won’t be nearly as interested in the basement guys if she finds new single friends and exciting activities elsewhere.

You can help her out — and restore your own peace of mind — by getting her back into a social realm where she can meet and befriend single people her age, with similar interests. Help her research the project, starting with groups for singles in Winnipeg and surrounding area.

Start by helping her check out the website Meetup (meetup.com), which can aid her in discovering events hosted by local groups where she can meet people or try something new, socially.

Is your mother at all spiritual? Phone around the neighbourhood you share, and beyond, to find out which churches or temples have active single adult groups. With any luck you’ll soon have Mom — and her delectable cookies — out of that dangerous basement of yours!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My last girlfriend remarked that I seem to fall in love with the female version of myself over and over again. Maybe she’s right. Unfortunately, I’m attracted to a certain look. My women all look like my own family — tall, athletic, black hair, tan skin. But I should tell you, each girlfriend had a totally different personality.

I finally became embarrassed, and decided I had to broaden my search. So, last summer I purposely went after a blond woman. Frankly, I found her kind of pale and sickly looking once she lost her tan.

— Stuck in Second Gear? Southern Manitoba

Dear Stuck: You’re like the guy who checks out all kinds of car makes and models, but knows in his heart he’s still going to buy exactly the same type he always has. That’s OK. Just keep looking, until both the inner and the outer qualities of the woman you’re dating — personality and the appearance — make you light up. It is yourself you have to please.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography