Get in tune with parents’ needs to ease shame

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A few years ago in my hometown, a musician friend of mine started a rock band I performed in semi-regularly. He laughed when I decided to move away to pursue a music career because he was jealous. Who knew I’d bomb out after leaving home feeling so sure of myself?

I was told I just didn’t have a “big enough” natural voice to make it. I can, however, sing all night in a small rock band with a decent microphone, and make everything sound good.

Still, It really hurt me to come back to town and call that first musician who hired me, pretty much begging for work. Like a gentleman, he said, “Good to hear from you. I hear you’ve had some bad luck.” Then he added, “Why don’t you help me out for the summer, and sing in my band? The singers in the group all want some time off over July and August.”

What a comedown, I thought at first, but I said yes, gladly. Secretly, I still have my singing-star ambitions, but I have no money right now. I felt embarrassed to ask my folks to let me keep living in their basement this summer, for free, but I did say I’d look after the house while they’re away at their cabin. What else should I do?

— Need Home and Security, Interlake

Dear Needing: First tell the band leader you’re interested, but ask him to give you some idea of the pay and the number of dates booked. Also ask your parents right away if doing yard and house chores, as well as taking care of their home while they’re away, would work instead of rent.

Also ask about other ways you may be able to help them out, so that giving you a basement suite for the summer might actually become a bonus for the household, not just a favour from mom and dad.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am suspicious of a couple I know who look just too much like each other. In fact, I think they should go get their DNA tested to see if they are actually related.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re attractive people — not weird-looking at all — but to me, they look like they’re closely related!

Should I nicely suggest this to them? I’m a bit worried someone might get mad.

— Just Saying, Elmwood

Dear Just Saying: The only person who feels they need their curiosity satisfied in this situation is you, so don’t kid yourself that DNA testing needs to be done in order to satisfy others, and particularly the couple you’re targeting.

You’re on the right track with your fears of offending someone here, so it’s probably best to keep your hypothesis to yourself.

Why not redirect your energy into reading up on DNA testing and learning about genetic science? You could even send a sample of your own DNA to a genealogy service to gain some insight into your own genetic heritage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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