Sons should set safe-sex stash story straight

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband accidentally found a secret supply of condoms I keep up on a high shelf in the hallway under fancy towels we don’t use. It’s for our teenage boys to access, no questions asked.

My man threw them on our bed, yelling, “Why do you have these when we don’t need them?”

He was furious and had tears in his eyes. I opened my mouth to explain and he said, “Don’t bother. I know what this means.”

I shouted about the teenage boys needing them now, and how I supply them, but he just said, “A likely story.”

Now he’s hardly talking to me. What should I do?

— Extremely Upset Wife, St. Vital

Dear Upset: Call in your sexually active boys, who owe you big time, and make them confess to dad that they’re the ones who are having sexual relations, with mom as their condom supplier.

The boys may find it amusing their dad is in such a fury, but they better not laugh. Just get this out in the open ASAP to avoid further misunderstanding.

It was wounding and angering for your husband, and for no real reason. Does he possibly have some jealousy or infidelity fears that need to be addressed? It may be time to get these issues out in the open and maybe even seek some professional counselling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 41 and have been out trying to walk off some bitter marriage-breakup pain after my husband left me for another woman.

I go to a park quite far from our home, because I don’t want my neighbours asking me pityingly how I’m doing; then the flood of tears will come again.

What is wrong with me with this endless waterfall? It’s humiliating to keep breaking down when my husband is already being seen out with another woman. He claims they are in love. That makes me want to throw up.

Am I going nuts? I’m an intelligent woman with a good career. I can’t afford to lose my mind over this jerk.

Why do I hate him and still, when I think about him and our children, feel love for him? How can I resurrect my life, which feels so miserable and mixed up?

— Miserable Mom, West End

Dear Miserable: You still think warmly of your ex when you think of his love for the children — and you can still see it happening when he picks them up. You’re reminded of the love you two actively shared for those kids as they grew.

It’s understandably hard to accept his love for you is now gone.

It’s time to look at your breakup recovery as a series of small steps. On taking the first ones away from a broken marriage, it’s normal to need some serious emotional help and support.

So, start with your physician. Make a list of what you’re going through emotionally and physically. Describe exactly what’s happening that’s bringing you down the fastest and hardest.

Since you feel you’re crying too much to function well, ask your doctor to suggest what may help you. Most physicians will have a list of psychologists and support groups on hand to recommend, which is an important part of the process.

Physical activity and recreational sports can also help boost daily mood and can also help revive your social life to replace the couples-only crowd.

Family members might also be open to being closer with you socially, but may be unsure of how you’re currently feeling, so let them know.

Small family get-togethers for cookie baking or crafts can be fun and easy, and you can always bring the kids to play with their cousins.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.