You can negotiate a pact to be neighbourly

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got in a political fight with a neighbour when I was mowing my lawn. He was drinking and called me a rude ethnic slur. So, when he went into his house and I noticed how long his grass was, I mowed a word into his lawn — bigot. His wife came out and yelled at me, and mowed the word out herself. She told me she was going to call the police.

She didn’t, but I hate living here now. I would put up a sign and sell in a minute. However, my wife just loves this guy’s wife and wants me to apologize. That is not going to happen.

We go to the same church, and our wives think we need to see the pastor for counselling. There’s no way I’m doing that. Now what?

— Nasty Neighbour, Royalwood

Dear Nasty Neighbour: You need people in the middle to mediate this, and your wives — who are good friends — might be able to help with that function. They could go and see the pastor together and possibly work out a peaceful solution and bring it back to their warring husbands. (However, it would have to include a sincere acknowledgment of and apology for his unacceptable slur.)

If you fellows won’t meet face to face at first, you could both sign a resolution to live in peace and be respectful towards each other — understanding your wives will remain friends and still visit each other’s homes. Then, leave it at that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a secret lover and he’s successfully kept me unknown to and safe from his scary wife for eight years. Luckily I don’t want children, as I have a demanding career and I have to travel a lot.

He’s a great lover to me and every visit from him is a celebration of life with different foods and fine wines. He treats me like a queen and occasionally we manage to travel together for a few days.

His wife has no lover that he knows of, but she doesn’t want sex anymore and shows her nasty temper to him if he even touches her. She never holds more than a part-time job, so he stays in the marriage to provide the kids a nice home and support the family until they’re out of school in a few years.

He tells me his wife has a long list of mysterious complaints that always kept her from having sex — unless she wanted another child.

He said he married her because she presented a “sensual but old-fashioned” side when she said she needed to be married before having sex so she could be free of guilt and give herself to him. What a joke. She apparently has no real sexual desire, but faked it in the beginning.

Now here’s the really hurtful part. I don’t really buy the stated reason for him not leaving her for me, but I’m afraid to ask in case the answer breaks my heart. However, he does call me his forever love.

— Stuck, Weston

Dear Stuck: Why is this a good love relationship for you? You have a lover who adores and pleases you, and his wife just wants him to support her and the kids and forget about marital sex, so you’re not jealous sexually.

However, it’s not a good situation as it’s progressing and your love deepens. What you need to talk about now is what happens if you can’t take this situation anymore.

He probably thinks it’s still working, as is, so you must enlighten him now and make some changes. It’s really time for some truth all around.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.