Don’t pass up shot at healing brotherly bond

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live in the country on very flat land, so people coming to my farm can be seen for miles. A week ago I watched this unfamiliar truck coming towards me, kicking up a lot of dust. Then it turned up the access road into my farm yard.

It was my younger brother, the notorious drunk. I told him five years ago never to come back, or one of us would probably kill the other. He took off for Alberta, or so I heard. I thought he must be drinking again to hazard coming back here, but I admit I was curious.

He turned out to be stone-cold sober.

I let him in, and fed him lunch. He said he’d quit drinking four years ago — one year after I chased him out. We started talking. The woman we fought over has been long gone from my life, too. She found another guy, or more, knowing her! He said he found that stuff out a couple years ago — not difficult to do online.

While it was bit cool between at the start, we ended up talking for hours. At the end, he asked if he could stay and help me on the farm. I balked and said I said I’d have to think about it.

He looked embarrassed and sad, and said he figured I might not want him, and he didn’t blame me. Then he got back in his truck and left.

Well, l thought about it — I was awake all night. I really do want him back. I went into town to the bar today to see what I might hear, and I soon found out he has a short-term job with another farmer. How should I handle this situation?

— Estranged Brother, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Estranged Brother: Guys who want to apologize to someone often just go and present themselves. So, get in your truck and drive to the place where your brother’s working. Jump out before you lose your nerve, and ask the farmer to see him.

When the farmer calls him over, ask him to talk privately, then sit with him in your truck and tell him, “I’d like you to come work with me when you’re finished here. That could be real soon, like even next week.” He’ll know you’re apologizing.

Hopefully he’ll say, “I’d like that.” Or, he might say he thinks it’d be better to work in the same general area, and slowly become acquainted again. That’s not a “no” answer, so don’t take it as rejection.

The brotherly bond is formed over years, and thousands of experiences, and it will be good if you can take the time to work things out. Maybe you can help him find longer-lasting work with your contacts in the area, and things can continue to heal.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m flying soon to be with my girlfriend in Toronto who’s going to give birth by caesarean in a few weeks. I was her bridesmaid four years ago and I will be the baby’s godmother. I’m thrilled! But also, I’m feeling kind of alarmed about something. She wants to give the baby a ridiculous name from her favourite fairytale book — Cinderella.

Even if she shortens it down to Cin (pronounced “sin” as in sinful) it’s a bad name. The poor kid would be teased! Are there names for babies that are banned by law, because they will cause a child undue hardship and teasing?

— Concerned Godmother, Steinbach

Dear Concerned Godmother: Some countries disallow certain names, but in Canada, only the provinces of Quebec and British Columbia will ban baby names deemed embarrassing for a child. They simply request the parents choose another.

You might come up with some other names your girlfriend would like, but be prepared for her to reject them as it’s her baby! The most likely result? The baby will be called Cinderella, but nicknamed Cindy, and that’s a fine, well-accepted girl’s name.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.