Solid family plan takes time and commitment

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My very new boyfriend of less than a month, who’s in his mid-30s, just heard from his ex-girlfriend that she thinks she’s pregnant with his child. He asked her for solid proof — like a note from her doctor with the results — but that’s not happening. I know she’s just playing with his emotions to get him back.

He’s always wanted children, so she’s working that angle as a last resort. But I know this woman is really in love with her career and she didn’t want any kids until she couldn’t try get him to stay with her any other way.

Her big blunder is she said he would just have to learn to enjoy his nephews and nieces and do more with them, as she wasn’t interested in being a mom. That’s when he finally broke things off with her.

He’s a successful man, but really wants his own kids to raise.

Now he’s met me — a younger woman who is falling for him more and more every day — and his ex has found out and is really jealous.

This man is such a sweetheart and he’s determined to start a family. How can I convince him I’m honest and sincere about him, and also about having a couple of kids with him down the road, though not right now?

— Pulling My Hair out, Osborne Village

Dear Pulling: This man is in love with the dream of having a child, but it’s still a bit too soon for you two to talk about that together.

He’s not in love with you — at least not yet. You’re definitely smitten with him, but at this early stage any kind of marriage for him would not be founded on something deep and solid emotionally.

It just isn’t enough. A quickie marriage might not last, and you would probably walk away with the baby, but not him. He probably knows that.

Your best hope is to invest time in a relationship with him that might deepen into a solid loving relationship that would support having children together and really would last.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Guess who’s back? The skunk who used to be in my life who left town to run from me. He got a job in the U.S. and now he wants to get away from that country as fast as he can.

He must be lonely because he showed up at my workplace and left a stuffed bear at the front desk — so juvenile, but just like him. He was too chicken to even wait for me to come downstairs and get the gift.

Last night he phoned me to get the “thank you” he thought I owed him for the present.

I said thank you and let him know I was too busy to talk. Today he called my work to talk and I fobbed him off again. Do I owe him anything more? He’s a persistent salesman and it’s so embarrassing having him come around and doing this.

— So Annoyed, The Maples

Dear Annoyed: Phone and say to him in a level voice, “We had a relationship once, but it’s over with now. Please don’t call me again or send gifts. Good luck in the rest of your life, but leave me alone.”

That’s it. If he phones again, don’t pick up or respond, as it could turn the corner into harassment. If he phones repeatedly, call the police.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6