Don’t give any more time, energy to ‘friend’

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This week I got a real kick in the face! It came from someone I thought was a great young friend. It turned out, she just liked hanging out with me for what she could get in terms of influential friends and invitations.

I thought this new friend liked charming old me for myself, but all she wanted was to jump over my head, to be buddies and hang out with bigger “players” in the charity world. She wanted to get deeply involved in this upcoming charity season’s dinners and parties, and obviously saw me as a person to use for that.

This week I heard what she really thinks of me, from a close female buddy. Ouch, that hurt! Now I’m really angry. I don’t want to let this young “friend” get away with using me and hurting me! What can I do?

— High Heel in My Face, Charleswood

Dear High Heel: When a new person betrays your friendship, it helps if you realize it needed to happen in order for you to get away, and not waste any more time with them.

You may be the type who needs to let someone who hurts you “have it,” in order to get past it.

Or else, you may be the type who’ll be hurt even worse after angry words are exchanged and just need to just walk away — and work things out with a real friend or a counsellor.

Try not to waste more time even thinking about this woman. When you run into her, be cool and “short” in your replies and walk away. She’ll know exactly why.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m now with my second husband — my real mate for life! Now I’m married to him (this past summer) I’m hearing from Mom that my first husband wants “our pictures” from my wedding with him. Why now? He told mom that because I divorced him, he was worried they’re probably ripped up or discarded.

That’s not the case. She’s keeping them for me. I still treasure those photos when I looked so young and beautiful and was so happy to be marrying my high school sweetheart.

The photo books are like a movie to me and proof that true love can exist between two innocent young people, even if it goes bad in the end. Why does he need them now?

— Onto a Better Life, St. James

Dear Better Life: The wedding experience isn’t all about the bride! Some of those experiences were obviously happy and exciting ones and your ex-husband deserves a share of those old wedding photos. Maybe at his age he treasures some of that youthful love that ended in a young marriage.

Let him have the photo album and pick the photos he likes for his own life history album.

He can make copies of the ones you also want to keep. If you can’t handle this, ask someone in the family who has no quarrel with him, to get in the middle and make things easier.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography