Heed lesson on ex-hubby’s loutish behaviour

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband is back in the province, as he has just bought another company here. Recently, he asked me out for a fancy dinner — no doubt to show me how far he’s climbed up the ladder, and what I’m missing.

I don’t know why I went. He still doesn’t know how to be gracious, even though he’s making amazing money.

I winced when he called the waiter over and asked what he thought he deserved for a tip. The server looked disgusted and said, “Whatever you want,” and walked away quickly. My ex left a lousy 10 per cent on the plate.

Then he looked at me with narrowed his eyes, and said, “I didn’t even ask you to chip in.” As if he deserved congratulations.

Why did I go to dinner with him? I keep asking myself that over and over. Can you explain it? What is wrong with me?

— Embarrassed Yet Again, Birds Hill

Dear Embarrassed: You went to that expensive restaurant with your rude ex because in some way you are still dazzled by what big money can buy.

Also, you got used to excusing this man’s coarse behaviour in the past in order to experience these fancy places. You learned how to quickly push his crass comments to the back of your mind.

Now they are standing out again, as they should. You just got a refresher course on how disgusting he can be about his money and its power over people. Let this be the last time you accompany this man anywhere, even if he wants to fly you to the moon.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been getting evening phone calls from a woman I really like, and I shouldn’t be taking them. She is ostensibly calling to get help dealing with her husband, like I’m her shoulder to cry on. Her husband works evenings and she works days, so they barely see each other. She’s painfully lonely.

Last night I asked her about their relationship and she said it wasn’t a marriage anymore. She said she regrets marrying him because he is absent all the time. Because of their work schedules, they can’t be with each other much, other than weekends.

But then she tells me that by Sunday night every weekend, she’s deeply in love with him again. She just wishes she were free to see other people on weeknights.

What am I supposed to do? Should I tell her to stop phoning me and wait up for her husband to come home? She is really attractive and I’ve been having crazy dreams about her. Please help.

— Craving Her, North Kildonan

Dear Craving: You need to force yourself to say goodbye to this woman, because you’re edging into the danger zone.

You know this woman is desiring closeness of a kind that will only become complicated by the roller-coaster nature of her relationship with her husband.

You would just be the fill-in because she still ends up loving her husband again on a weekly basis.

Even if he dropped her, she probably wouldn’t want you because you were the man who “made” her lose her husband. At least that’s the way she would likely frame it in her mind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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