Exercising restraint a wise move with old flame

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/11/2025 (307 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My high school love has returned to Winnipeg and has been sending hot vibes my way on social media. He was always a Facebook friend but was a dead issue until a few weeks ago when he messaged me directly saying, “Hello again, Gorgeous. What are you up to? I’m single at the moment.”

The conversation soon caught fire when he said, “Do you remember what it was like when we were great together?” Oh, I sure do.

Then he asked if I wanted to get together and I gave an enthusiastic OK. I went to meet him for a coffee at a dessert place and, whoa, has he changed. What a body — talk about muscles. When he took off his jacket, he saw my jaw drop and said, “You like this, don’t you?”

I’ll say. I started flirting as if I maybe wanted sex right there — and that is not like me. I usually have more class. I did manage to regain my composure and after a good chat we both went home alone with a tentative plan to meet up again.

How do I back this train up a little and make a better impression, but still let him know I’m really attracted?

— Overexcited, St. James

Dear Overexcited: There’s nothing wrong with letting a person know you’re attracted, but jumping on him right away is not the best move, so bravo for your restraint.

You just need to be a little stronger than your desires. It seems like you’re well aware it makes some sense to hold off on getting intimate until you know it’s actually the person you desire, rather than just a superficial “hot thought” driven by physical appearance.

Suggest a few fun dates so you can both get to know who each other is now, and then see where it goes from there. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is leaving me for a guy she claims she met on an island holiday with her girlfriends. She claims she knew him for two weeks and felt like she’d known him forever. What garbage.

He’s a Canadian guy, and now she’s moving west to be with him. Just like that. She has already packed everything of hers at our apartment. She’s staying at her mom’s house until this jerk comes to get her.

The breakup doesn’t make any sense. I only hit her once during a fight she provoked when I got home from a bad night of gambling at the bar. I think now it was the fight that gave her an excuse to leave me that would fly with her religious family.

The last few months before the holiday, she was always on her laptop at night. I realize now she was talking to this new guy, long before the holiday with her friends. Now what can I do?

— Used and Abused, River East

Dear ‘Used and Abused’: You may have been fooled by your live-in mate over her affair, but you were the one who physically abused her.

Violent behaviour is a criminal offence for good reason, and you could end up in jail if you continue down this path.

Instead of wasting time blaming your ex, it’s time to get serious counselling for your violent streak so you can become the kind of man a woman can trust. The fact you so flippantly refer to your violent behaviour only underscores your need for some serious intervention.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography