To avoid hurt, get things clear regarding future

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My heart is on fire these days. I’ve met this wild woman through my sports life and we are not just into the relationship for the great sex.

I would like to settle her down and have her in my life for keeps.

Unfortunately, she reserves the right to date anybody she pleases without asking permission. She said she was married once and it felt like a trap. Am I just headed for trouble with her?

— Seriously Worried, St. Norbert

Dear Seriously Worried: This woman has told you she doesn’t let a guy tie her down in a relationship, and she’s old enough to really mean it.

Being a sportsman, you may think this is just a challenge to overcome. Maybe it is, but you should ask her, and if she’s really not the marrying kind it’s time to believe it.

Then you would be best to look for a different woman who has a lot of the same personality traits and interests as this one, but actually wants an exclusive life partner to love. They do exist, and in good number.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Christmas is coming and it’s a problem for me now. I live with the love of my life (my second husband) and we both have grown-up children between the ages of 18 and 26.

This year I’ve invited all my kids and my new husband has invited his. They briefly met each other at our wedding and had a lot of fun.

To our surprise, most of them accepted invitations to come to our horse farm in the country for a bit of a Christmas holiday.

The problem? How do I keep the two youngest ones from getting together sexually?

I have heard they have mutual crushes on each other and we don’t need the complications. They are too old to dictate to, and believe me, I’ve tried.

— Sensing Danger, Whiteshell

Dear Sensing Danger: It’s really time to accept the fact they’re old enough to live their own lives and that you’re just going to frustrate yourself by laying down strict rules.

Rent out some extra beds if necessary, make them up and you and your man can go to bed early.

Let people choose where they sleep, and don’t stay up until the wee hours to police things. That will just drive everybody nuts.

Also, don’t go around knocking on doors in the morning. Just have fun with your own man instead.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-wife calls me every Christmas with a cheery hello and a long catch-up speech on her life. I say nothing about my new life.

I really don’t want to renew acquaintances with her during the holiday season, or any time of year. How do I tell her that?

I hate it when she phones around this time, and my new wife hates it too.

— Uncomfortable Ex, Weston

Dear Uncomfortable: It seems your ex-wife can’t take a hint and process an unhappy tone of voice and just cut it short and leave you alone. So you’ll just have to say, “Please don’t call me anymore unless there’s a serious problem with one of our kids.” That’s clear, and should stop the unnecessary calls.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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