Transition onto divergent career paths a challenge

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend has been reading from a secret pile of sex books she inherited from her older sister, when she went away to university this fall. Woohoo! We are definitely benefiting. But now we’re so deeply into each other, my girlfriend wants to know where we are headed as a couple.

To be honest, I have no idea. I just turned 18 and we’re both in Grade 12. What do I know for sure about anything in the future?

I have six or more years of university ahead of me and then a career in medicine. My girlfriend wants to be a zoologist and trek off to far-flung countries for projects on a regular basis. We’re not a match.

What do I tell her as far as the future between us, especially when we’re so sexually connected and there may be a small risk of pregnancy even when we use protection?

And I hate to say this, but how do we know if we’ll even stay together when we’ll both end up meeting so many other interesting people on our career paths?

My head is going crazy these days. Help.

— So Many Questions, Charleswood

Dear Questions: At this point in your life, there are three things you really should do.

First off, use a combo of the best methods of birth control to help ensure you don’t get pregnant.

Secondly, be aware that your tastes in partners may naturally shift once both of you encounter and get to know many different sorts of people when you begin your post-secondary educations.

Finally, most universities offer good counselling services, so take advantage of them to work through challenges not only educational in nature, but also to deal with stress that could arise due to your romantic relationship.

So why not consider getting to know a counsellor before you’re actually overwhelmed with an emotional problem like a breakup or a death in the family. Left unaddressed, these stressors can seriously mess up a school term, costing you time and money to catch up, so don’t risk it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: While studying at university, I’ve found a handsome, charming guy from another country and we have started getting quite close. I can’t sleep and just lie awake dreaming about my new man.

However, he says he couldn’t take someone of my ethnic heritage home to his country to be his wife as his family would be horrified.

Then he told me he will have to return home to his country after he finishes his schooling and will be expected to find a wife there.

What should I do?

— His Canadian Mate, Fort Richmond

Dear Canadian Mate: If someone said to you, “Don’t jump off this bridge. There’s no water in the river.” Would you jump? Of course not.

This man has been honest with you and it’s pretty clear there’s no long-term future for the two of you. You may be smitten with one another, but he seems pretty certain about fulfilling his familial duty to marry a woman back home in the not-so-distant future.

You should both be realistic about this and stop seeing each other as your feelings seem to go beyond a temporary fling.

The longer you keep dating, the more painful the eventual breakup will be and that won’t be good for either of you, in the end.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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