Heartfelt gratitude the only gift you need to give

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have no money for gifts this Christmas, but I feel like I want to give presents to some people who have really helped me with a drug problem.

I went through a bad period this summer, but I survived and then got through the fall without relapsing. That was thanks to social workers, teachers and some nice people at my part-time job.

I told my favourite teacher I wanted to give Christmas gifts this year, but haven’t got enough money. She told me not to worry about buying gifts and said warm words feel even better than presents, and last longer.

So she gave me a box of funny Christmas cards to send with my messages. I’m kind of a tough guy and don’t want to say mushy stuff, so what can I write in the cards to her and other nice people who really helped me?

— Recovering and Thankful, Windsor Park

Dear Recovering: Write something like this in your cards: “Thank you for all the wonderful things you did to help me through a very difficult time. You went above and beyond, and it truly means a lot to me.” Then sign your name in a bold way that shows you feel better about yourself now.

If you end up needing more cards for other people you want to thank, you can often find unmarked cards sold individually at second-hand shops that sell for very little. I wish you all the best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-girlfriend is moving back to Winnipeg and says she really wants to get to know me again. Is this just a ruse for her to find a cheap/free hotel at my place? She knows I don’t have a honey in my life right now.

She will definitely need a spot to stay until she finds herself a place with a barn where she can keep her horses, pet chicken and big dogs.

The problem is there’s still a big attraction between us and it isn’t as straightforward as simply making a logical decision when we’re in the same vicinity. We’ve already gotten back together and broken up again once already. Now what?

—Addicted to Lust, Charleswood

Dear Addicted to Lust: You seem to know exactly what will happen. You two will start seeing each other for a while, and then break up for the same reason as the last time.

This time though, hopefully you can laugh at yourselves and try to leave the attraction alone rather than another go-round.

It would help matters if you were both dating other people you really like this holiday season, but that seems unlikely, so try to stay away from the mistletoe when she’s around and keep yourself out of the most immediate trouble.

On the other hand, this might actually be a good time for you both if you can have a serious conversation about things. Try getting together to talk about what really gets in the way of a lasting relationship.

Maybe you can finally work it out for the new year. This would be easier if she found somewhere else to stay that isn’t at your place.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is the leader of a country band and he’s married to his band. I only see him on two weeknights because his band is always playing at some club or practising new songs.

This past weekend I decided to pick up a girlfriend and go watch my guy play a gig. Shock. They finally have a female singer, and she’s gorgeous.

My boyfriend hadn’t spotted me yet and was playing up to her onstage. A guy asked me to dance a waltz so I accepted. Finally, my guy saw me on the dance floor in this guy’s big muscled arms and almost gagged on his mic.

We’re hardly talking now. Help me cope.

— Tired of Being Ignored, St. Vital

Dear Tired: The time has come to find yourself a better social life than being a band widow.

Why stay with this guy as his neglected girlfriend? You can’t get back the many nights you’ve had no sweetheart to enjoy life with.

Let this female singer enjoy having her whole life consumed by the band, and possibly its leader. It’s time to go out and find yourself a great social life starting this holiday season, and don’t spoil it by looking backwards for one minute.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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