Do the legwork to help support kids’ learning goals

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I had four kids in a quick succession, and the time has just flown by. Now they’re all in high school — the twins in Grade 11 this year, and the other two are close behind. They’re all so smart!

We have just enough money saved to start the twins in university or community college, but much less for the third kid, and nothing saved for the last one!

I think we should open up and be honest with them, so they can start working part-time jobs and building up their own funds.

My husband says, “We’ll get the money somehow. Just let the kids be kids now. Don’t make them worry about this!” What do you think?

— Sweating Over Money, West Kildonan

Dear Sweating: You need a mixture of parental saving and older kids applying for scholarship money or student loans. Many high school students and their parents simply don’t know what all is out there and available, in terms of scholarships and bursaries.

Too many students look back and say, “If only I’d known I could shoot for that, I would have — and I had the marks for it, too!” So don’t wait. Teachers and student advisers can as a matter of course be a help with this, but students should also ask them directly, for more specific advice about educational funding they may be eligible for.

As parents, you could get busy online now, finding out about the many opportunities available in your community and further afield.

At the same time, it must be said it’s understandable your husband wants to “let kids be kids” by not putting too much pressure on them about the future. So you two parents should start off by casually asking your kids to tell you what they think they want, education-wise. Listen to all their education and career ideas closely, and it will help get a better sense of how to focus your research.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been sick as a dog at home all week — and my wife has been off “playing around” elsewhere. I don’t have anything nasty, like COVID (I’ve done the testing), so she didn’t need to abandon me. But she said she was going to her sister’s to be safe. Right. Her sister is a gambling addict, like her — not a safe place to be.

My wife left with her suitcase, slamming the door behind her. Her parting words? “Stop whining. I have friends and a social life. Get yourself well, and give me a break!”

Is it too much to ask for a little love and compassion from your mate when you’re sick?

I know she’s going out to gamble with her sister and buddies, and the oily guys who hang out there with them.

These days my “beloved wife” is away a lot more than she’s home. Sometimes she doesn’t come home until 3 or 4 a.m. When I protest, she’s tells me she’s not my possession, and I can’t tell her what she can or cannot do.

Sometimes I think I get sick so often, because she’s so cruel to me. I’ll admit I don’t love her anymore, but I don’t want to be all alone. I’m thinking of ending the marriage, as being divorced couldn’t be worse than this! What do you think?

— Hurting Husband, Windsor Park

Dear Hurting Husband: There are a lot worse things than divorce — and one is certainly being emotionally-abused. If you weren’t already married to this woman, how fast would you run from this relationship?

Sadly, you’re still feeling bound up with this “partner” who disrespects you. If you’re afraid of breaking up with her and being alone, you should realize you’re already alone in this cold marriage.

Leaving could save you, by bringing you into contact with new, warm friends and a happier life. You need some counselling to help you make important moves. Your doctor will have suggestions for you and places to call for help.

As soon as you’re feeling strong enough, start making appointments with your financial advisers and a reputable divorce lawyer. Find out everything you need to know, financially and otherwise.

Then, take heart! Once you’re free of this marriage, you won’t feel as alone as you do right now. You’ll finally be free to meet people who like you, respect you and want to be real friends with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.