Don’t obsess over snide last word; goodbye will do

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I, who lived together until recently in her former-marriage house, fought all the way through the holidays and were coming to the bitter end. She kept bringing up her former husband, but I refused to discuss him with her. I think she wants him back.

When I told her on New Year’s Eve I’d had it with her and that I already had an apartment rented and was possession of the keys, I thought she would throw a fit. But she just said, “Sometimes things happen quickly,” and then got busy on her phone, privately.

Two hours later, she told me she wouldn’t get in my way, and said she even had a few guys who could help move me as long as I had my things packed and ready the next day and gave her money for the movers. I was insulted, but she didn’t want much cash, so I went for it.

Imagine my surprise when a moving company’s vehicle showed up and the movers had me out of there and into my new apartment in a couple of hours. It was a great deal all round, I guess. So why am I still upset?

It was my idea to leave that woman, but I now feel like I was treated like so much garbage for her to get rid of. I didn’t get a chance to leave her on my terms.

I want to say something to her, to at least get in the last word, but I haven’t come up with a smart crack yet. What do you suggest?

— Out, But Hurting, St. Norbert

Dear Out, But Hurting: This woman was more than finished with you and it’s interesting she had a team all ready to go when you finally said you were up for it.

A good word for her would just be “goodbye.” If you must phone her, just wish her well in the next year, and be bigger about things than she has ever been with you.

Then, take a little breather from romantic relationships and just hang out with supportive friends.

Try to get more involved in your work and with sports or creative pursuits, and reconnect with your family.

Do anything, really, but don’t start calling your ex again.

The new year is a natural time to sort things out for yourself, grasp what went wrong in recent relationships and to make better choices in the future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At a New Year’s Eve party of all ages at our house, one of my mom’s friends — older but still “glamorous” — danced close with me and drunkenly suggested we get together for some fun in the new year.

I was shocked. I made excuses and took off.

What the heck? I told my mom and she laughed until tears ran down her cheeks. I asked her why, and she said, “That woman used to come on to my dad — your grandfather — at parties, too. She comes on to all the men in our whole family, and guys from other families, too.” I don’t get that. I don’t find it funny.

— Her Latest Victim, Winnipeg

Dear Latest Victim: Some people drink too much liquor and then lose whatever control they had when sober flies out the door.

You can be sure this wanton woman doesn’t just go after the men in your family’s social circle. She’s not that choosy. Next time you see her tottering over towards you, just say, “Hello, but I have to go. Have a great night.” You won’t be hurting her feelings because she’ll likely have a long list of other victims to get to that evening.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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