Don’t let tit-for-tat spat take marriage to the mat

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My second wife is complaining about my recent slip-up with an old girlfriend who was passing through Winnipeg. I only went for drinks with her and I was home by midnight, so what’s the worry?

My new wife is tough, and she has now claimed one night off from our marriage to go out with one of her exes for drinks. She promises sarcastically that she’ll be home by midnight.

I foolishly said, “A lot can happen before midnight.” And she said, “Exactly.”

Now what? I can’t go spy on her and I don’t have a date myself, so I look pathetic as it stands.

— Unhappy Hubby, Downtown

Dear Unhappy Hubby: You already had a date with an ex, so her date is tit for tat. You can accept a dose of your own medicine or strike back in kind, in which case you’ll get another night at home, while your wife goes out with somebody else. That would just be hurtful nonsense.

If you want to smooth things out, then don’t even think about escalating this issue.

If you two really love each other in some crazy way, then you may need to see an open-minded marriage counsellor to work up an agreeable situation that might allow for other sex partners.

Or you might just want to end these jealousy-inspiring situations with a real breakup.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 13 and I have no money for a Valentine’s Day gift for my girlfriend. I know she’s expecting something because I recently told her I love her and she said it back to me.

Help me please. All I have is about $10, and that’s if we don’t plan to leave her house to go anywhere.

— Young Love, Osborne Village

Dear Young Love: A single pink or red rose from the flower section of a grocery store will usually cost less than $10. Then you can buy a $1 Valentine’s Day card and inside write about your feelings and all the things you admire about your sweetie. That will please her — and it’s something she can tell her closest friends about, which is part of the fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year in February I thought I was in love with my boyfriend around Valentine’s Day, but it turned out I really wasn’t. In fact, I fell out of love so fast with him I’m not even sure what love is anymore.

I am bisexual and this year I’m seeing a female friend. We don’t use the love word at all yet.

Am I finally being smart, or am I just a chicken because of last time? I do feel it more now. What should I do?

— Take the Leap? rural Manitoba

Dear Take the Leap: When in doubt, you can always opt for letting the person you’re seeing romantically know all the things you really admire about them, without putting the actual word “love” out there just yet.

Telling her the things you love about her expresses deeper feelings on your part, but you avoid taking that potentially awkward full-on leap too soon. This could keep things happy and hopeful between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-wife — a serial cheater in her 50s — recently phoned to tell me she still loves me best. Big deal. She’s married again and now on husband No. 3.

I asked her why she bothered to call to tell me that when we’re ancient history as a couple. She replied it was because I was her favourite husband, and we were so young and innocent back then and we loved each other best.

Maybe for her it was best, but she cheated on me, which was horrible. I want to be finished with her for good now. How do I get her completely out of my life? She doesn’t listen to anybody.

— Upset Ex, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Upset: On a search engine, specifically type in, “How to stop unwanted calls from ex-lovers in Manitoba.” You’ll get excellent, detailed advice, especially since you’ve been specific.

But if you only ask “How to stop unwanted calls,” you might only find out how to stop telemarketers from contacting you. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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