May end up in a real pickle if you cross the line

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When it gets really cold outside, my husband and I like to hibernate. We stock up on all kinds of movies in various formats at garage sales all summer, and then watch them on our “vintage” video players in the winter.

I really enjoyed this tradition for a few years, but it meant we stopped seeing friends and neighbours as regularly and I started getting a bit tired of looking at the love of my life without some kind of fun intermission. So I started playing pickleball with a group nearby — and I love it.

But there’s one thorny problem. An old boyfriend of mine from high school showed up to join the group one day, and I felt my heart lurch in my chest. I swear I was transported back to my teens when I first looked at his dark-brown eyes. It was the exact same reaction.

Now I feel guilty when I go to play pickleball because I’m not only excited for the game — it’s now about him as well. He’s married too, but I don’t ask about his wife.

Seeing him is a guilty pleasure for me. Is that so wrong?

— Not Guilty Enough to Quit, West Kildonan

Not Guilty Enough: Does “Brown Eyes” seem to be as excited to see you, or is this more of a one-sided thing? If it is, maybe it’s something you can secretly enjoy (that lift you feel when he walks in) but then get back to serious business on the pickleball court.

A lot of married people have to use this game plan when an attractive person joins their team or group and catches their eye.

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, unless feelings intensify and can no longer be held in check.

But that’s quite rare, as most people are better actors than that — or they just enjoy the adrenaline and return the ball a bit harder.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I finally met my new mother-in-law over the holidays and I love her. My husband emigrated from another country and his mom was finally able to come visit us once we saved up enough for the flight to get her here.

She really wanted to experience our winter season and snow, and came prepared for a fairly long visit. But it turns out she has to go back home sooner than expected.

My new “mom” has been very funny in telling me secrets about her son, and it also turns out my man can bake like crazy. Who knew? So she went out for groceries with him and they came back with all kinds of baking supplies, and now we have loads of gorgeous, decorated cakes and other treats to enjoy or share with friends. She’s so much fun.

The problem is family members back home want her to head back sooner, but we would like to keep her even longer. My husband and I plan to start a family soon, so she’ll be a grandma.

She’s such a loving person, and thankfully her son inherited that trait from her. She’s so lovely and fun to be with and I don’t want her to go back — I’ve actually cried about it. What can we do?

— Losing My Mom-in-Law? The Maples

Dear Losing: Keep a travel fund growing to bring not only your mother-in-law here, but possibly also other close relatives for shorter visits.

In the meantime, coax your mom-in-law to give you recipes for a couple of their family’s traditional favourites you’ve also enjoyed during her stay. Then, once she’s gone, you and your man can start baking together to keep the custom alive.

Make sure to take lots of photos of the two of you with the fully decorated goodies to send to her.

Showing how much you’re all enjoying bonding as kin could go a long way to helping relatives back home realize they’re not losing their matriarch, but rather adding to their extended family in positive ways they may want to be a part of. It could prove to be a sweet success.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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