A little knowledge can help keep your dream aloft

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman who’s always wanted to fly small airplanes and I’ve finally saved up enough money to take lessons. I’m very excited!

Although my fiancé’s first reaction to my plan was fairly supportive, I felt he looked a bit hesitant.

Now, after he’s slept on it a few nights, he’s become a real worrywart and is constantly bringing up all the possible dangers involved.

How should I deal with him? This is my big dream, and I’m going to learn to fly this spring, whether he likes it or not.

— Future Ace, central Manitoba

Dear Future Ace: Offer your sweet man some books on aviation that may help allay his fears — sometimes it’s a lack of actual knowledge that can drive apprehension.

Then you can take him out to the airfield to introduce him to the people you’ve consulted there. Get him interested in the learning process at least, so he’s not just spiralling into vague, unfounded worry.

Once you’ve enrolled, you can introduce him to your instructor and give him some privacy to ask some questions. Also, if you can afford it, book a short flight for your man, you and your future instructor, so he gets a real sense of what you’ll be doing.

You may not be able to totally ease your mate’s fears right away, but there’s nothing worse than facing a scary experience with no knowledge to calm your fears.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an older “bad-ass” guy who has always liked fun and romance, but not being tied down. I like to get involved with women who want the same kind of freedom.

However, on my last birthday — my 33rd — I suddenly got a case of homesickness and flew back to my home province for a visit with my family. I met the twin babies who arrived since my last visit a few years ago — two little boys.

Within a day or two, I started having protective fatherly feelings for my nephews and real curiosity about having children myself.

My youngest brother’s wife, a real sweetheart, said to me as I held the boys, “Why don’t you try this?” I thought about it, and when going to sleep that night, I realized I’m just spinning my wheels in my own love life. There’s no one really important and life-changing to me. I just have women for fun, sex and eventual breakups. What should I do now?

— Single and Lonely, St. Boniface

Dear Single and Lonely: Investigate your feelings by spending more time with family-type friends you have. Ask them what it’s really like to be in a marriage and raise kids together. Some of them may jokingly refer to their “brats” or “the old lady” to sound tough, but you’ll likely see they’re actually proud.

If you get some enthusiastic talkers, boldly ask them what it’s like to be “tied down” to one woman for the rest of your life. Some guys will say it’s fine, and some might say it can be tough, but take both sides to heart.

Be aware they’re likely to ask you why you’re posing these questions! You can say, seriously, “I’m just getting to the point where I may be interested myself.” Then, the floodgates will open and you’ll be surprised at the honesty you get from them about marriage, kids and family life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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