Cool familiarity will help you cope with ex

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Nothing could be worse. My ex-wife has come back to Winnipeg from another city, as she got her old job back with the company where I work, plus a fat promotion according to our office gossip.

I was shocked. They didn’t used to do rehires, but I guess she was special. They chased her and got her back because she is “the best in the world at what she does.” At least, that’s what she told me today.

I don’t want her back here, even though it’s a big company, because the truth is I never really got over her. It took a couple of years before I stopped missing her and thinking about her. My family knows how hard the breakup was for me.

But this company doesn’t care. I just have to bite the bullet because she will help the big boys make more money. Any suggestions?

— Shocked Ex, Winnipeg

Dear Shocked: The shock will wear off faster if you see her frequently, so don’t hide from her. Try to get used to her being around and ignore any power tactics.

Luckily, it will be spring soon and you can wear sunglasses when entering and exiting the building so she can’t read your eyes if she meets up with you.

If she comes over and leans on your desk to assert her presence, just say pleasantly, “Sorry, I have work to do,” and start doing it. Once she sees she can’t get a big reaction out of you, her tactics will slow down and hopefully stop. There’s big value in being old news to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I moved to Winnipeg to go to university to become a research scientist, and I made a big deal about that goal to my parents, but it’s just not working out.

I’m feeling too lonely to continue in the city. I never had this problem living in a smaller town most of my life. I had lots of friends in town from hockey and baseball, and met girls at all the dances.

Since starting university, I’ve had a part-time job in the city but no real friends from there to spend my money with off-hours, so I just studied my brains out. But that’s not living — just existing.

Here’s the biggest problem: I’ve saved enough money to take my expected courses this fall, but I’m not into living in the city anymore.

How do I tell my proud immigrant parents that I need to quit my city life to save my sanity?

— Missing My Country Town, Fort Garry

Dear Missing: Confess in a well-thought-out speech to your parents so their feathers don’t end up ruffled because they hear about your predicament from someone else first.

Remember, they love you and they want you to be happy, plus they are small-town people themselves, so they will understand why you are doing this once they have a little time to digest it. So be patient.

The good news is people aren’t always required to drive into the city to access classes anymore.

Many larger towns and small cities in Manitoba are now offering college- and university-level courses for credits toward degrees, plus there are more options for remote learning. So, research those possibilities quickly.

Find classes closer to your hometown, if possible, and find out who is driving there. Then join or create your own ride-sharing situation. That will make it fun and easy to renew friendships, or make totally new ones.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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