Go further than skin-deep to find fitting fella

DEAR. MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was sitting in a restaurant with the guy I’ve just started dating, when he pointed out there was another guy watching us. I looked over and saw a man who also had longer dark hair, olive complexion and a big nose. He turned out to be a guy I dated recently — like two months ago.

The guy nodded at me, and then kind of smirked. Later that night, he called me and said, “I see you’re dating a guy who looks a lot like me. Do you miss me that much?”

I hit back with, “No, he’s actually a nice guy — unlike some rude people I know.”

I’m only writing because I’m secretly troubled by the fact I’m clearly picking men for their similar looks. My ex-husband also had dark hair and a big nose. I don’t want a repeat of him, but that’s the kind of man I’m still physically attracted to. I need help.

— Stuck on a Look, Crescentwood

Dear Stuck: It’s perfectly OK to be physically attracted to someone who looks like your last guy, as long as the new man’s personality is more suited to you.

If you try to steer yourself away from the kind of look you naturally prefer, you’re going to lose some sexual attraction. So just allow yourself to be naturally attracted to a dark-haired guy with prominent features. However, you should also hold out for a man who also has a great personality and capacity for loving that turns you on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a youngish, retired guy and now live on a hobby farm with lots of different animals. I am miles away from the nearest town, and I love that.

It was my idea to move here. I asked my younger girlfriend — who can work from home — to move in with me, and she did.

We had a great first month here, but now she finds it lonely — as I warned her it would be. She has recently lost interest in being here much at all. I don’t know how much more of her pouting I can take.

For instance, it’s spring birthing season for some of the animals on my little farm and the mothers can sometimes be in distress and need my help or a veterinarian’s. I have no desire to kowtow to my lady when other beings are in dire straits. Please advise.

— Need to Help Animals First, rural Manitoba

Dear Need to Help: Many people involved in animal health care experience serious conflicts over pleasing both their four-legged precious ones and their two-legged romantic partners.

You really need to understand and acknowledge that your girlfriend’s social needs are important, which means letting her go as your day-to-day partner. Maybe then you can salvage the romance and visit her in town when you’re missing each other a lot and want to be together.

It isn’t that you don’t care for each other, but your respective needs for happy living don’t match up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m retired and determined to travel — even though the world is in a mess. I’m a professor, and in more peaceful periods, I travelled at least four times a year. My friends don’t grasp the fact a little worry about safety is no reason for a person like me to stay home and twiddle my thumbs.

How can I shut these well-meaning friends up when they’re trying to scare me into staying home?

— Hassled for Wanderlust, River Heights

Dear Hassled: Consider making any new travel plans without first consulting your friends.

So venture off, start exploring and enjoy yourself. You can tell your friends about your adventures once you get back, and skip having them fuss over you before you depart. They might even thank you for that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography