Best bet is to fold on your gambling-gripped guy

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just spent a weekend at a lake with some of my wild and crazy girlfriends, and we fell in love with it. At the end, the owner said somebody had backed out of their July reservation and he offered me — the obvious leader of the pack — the opportunity to rent it again for two weeks.

I put full money down as soon as I got back home. Then I invited my boyfriend to spend a one-week romantic holiday with me as my first guest. I told him it was a gorgeous little lake unspoiled by a lot of campers. He said, “Yeah, but there’d be no casino at that outpost. I’d be bored to tears.”

And that was that.

I’m keeping it anyway for the two weeks, and planning for a roster of friends to visit. And now, my boyfriend’s shirt is in a knot. “What am I supposed to do with myself for your two-week holiday?” he asked me, referring to sex, his only activity besides eating and gambling.

I told him to go to the places he loves so much and gamble his life away.

He snorted and said, “Just remember you said that to me.”

I know what that means. He’ll go with his buddies to the casinos and the horse races, and gamble away his bank account, then he’ll want to borrow money from me.

Do you wonder why I stick with him? I was hoping you could tell me that because I really don’t know.

— Useless Boyfriend, St. Boniface

Dear Useless Boyfriend: People who hook up seriously with a partner like this man of yours — a person who’s primarily with them for meals and sex — generally end up feeling depressed. That keeps them “hanging in there” much longer than they probably should. So look at this summer as a great chance to break away from this — and stop begging this boyfriend to join you.

You were smart to rent that cabin. So keep lining up friends and relatives to join you at your cottage for short visits and overnights, and have a great summer.

The experience will be an excellent booster for your self-respect, and that will help you break away from your gambling-addicted boyfriend. If you need extra help, line up a relationship counsellor for the autumn and go on your own to honour your life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my old boyfriend at his kid’s graduation and he seemed to be alone. He came straight over to me during a break and commented on how beautiful my daughter looked and how she reminded him of me back in Grade 12. Then his wife came over and snatched him away for photos.

We hadn’t yet wrapped up our conversation. I really want to call him and finish it, and I know where he works. Would there be any harm in my calling him there?

— Want a Few More Minutes, St. James

Dear Want More: You can bet this man’s wife knew exactly who you were to her husband. He probably told her at some point and didn’t think much of it. But it may be that seeing you all dressed up at a grad ceremony might have turned back the clock for your old flame.

So it’s probably best to leave him alone. Calling him now wouldn’t be like saying hello to any old person from your high school days. It would be rekindling an old romantic memory in hopes of experiencing a bit of it again, even if it’s just the voice on the phone.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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