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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife just loves sex at the moment. I’m not quite as interested right now because I’m so tired from work, and sex feels like more physical labour.

I have told her lately I’m up for some fun, as long as she does the work. She already knows she can have me any way she pleases. I’m easy.

But I haven’t felt as willing lately. Recently she’s muttered something about marrying an old man. I’m not old — just overworked and tired. The difference between our ages is only 11 years, but it seems a lot more at times.

Last night, to try to make up with my poor wife, I brought her home what’s supposed to be one of the hottest sex toys on the market. She looked at it, and said, “So, this is your stand-in now? Can I be expecting anything from you personally?”

Please help us. I’m an idiot, but I do love her.

— Lacking Finesse, St. Norbert

Dear Lacking: Your wife may feel you’re just telling her to “have at it” with the sex toy, without you being an active part of the lovemaking. She is probably not after an orgasm, so much as connecting with you romantically and otherwise. She seems to need more personal interaction — sweet words, the closeness of being skin-to-skin, the laughing and loving.

Consider this: it might make sense to plan your intimate encounters for weekends or even first day of the week before you’re feeling too fatigued from your work week.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend likes to swim with fish. She gets really bored with going on fishing trips with me, and dives right in to swim and make the fish scatter.

I would rather fish with the guys anyway. I told her so and she said, “Good. Fishing is actually cruel and that’s why I don’t eat them.”

Yet she happily eats hamburgers, and those were once cows. Is she even worth fighting for?

— Fisherman’s Nightmare, North Tuxedo

Dear Fisherman: Rather than pointing fingers at each other and calling each other down, agree to disagree and go your separate ways. Then make an effort to date someone who actually likes fishing and enjoying the fruits of your angling.

It doesn’t make sense to try to convert people who think differently about these things.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help. My lazy teenagers just lie around the house, claiming they can’t find work, and their mother doesn’t push them.

My boys are in grades 11 and 12 and I can’t trust them once they’re out of school to do anything useful, unless they have jobs to take up their time.

I would have offered them jobs at my grocery business again, but last summer they were so useless my other seasonal employees (university students) had to work extra hard to make up for their ineptitude.

Their mom just gives them bits of house and yard work to do and pays them so they have spending money. But what does that teach them? I can’t recommend them to any of my friends as employees because they’re so lazy.

— Unhappy Dad, West End

Dear Unhappy Dad: The boys might not be so lazy if they were working for their dad’s friends who would expect more of them, and would complain if they weren’t putting in a good effort.

So consider calling two or three of your pals to see if they know of any jobs your boys could take on this July and August.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I split up at the beginning of June for one month to “think things over,” in her words.

It seems I did all the thinking, while she secretly had another guy sneaking over at night.

We finally got together for the big scheduled talk after our month apart. I asked how she used her time, and she said, “You can meet my new guy if you like. He’s waiting outside for me on his bike.”

I thought she was kidding, but no, there was this hefty dude wearing a stupid motorcycle helmet sitting on a bike as if he expected her to be out any minute.

I grabbed her by the arm as she walked towards him and she fell down by the bike. That was it for us.

The problem is now this woman is phoning me every night trying to get me back. She thinks I really care, or I wouldn’t have gotten violent. Now what?

— Mad as Hell, Winnipeg

Dear Mad: This is the kind of relationship where somebody — likely you — ends up in court. So your next move should be a sensible one. Cut yourself off from all contact with your recent ex-girlfriend.

At the same time, ask your physician to help you get personal counselling around your issues with anger and violence. It’s simply unacceptable behaviour, whatever the situation, and could land you in court and possibly jail in the future.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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