See silver lining to your impossible crush

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with my sister’s boyfriend, and neither one of them knows it. They’re both grad students and came back home from the province where they are studying to write and spend the summer in Manitoba.

Thankfully, they’ve gone back home because it was becoming too much for me to bear. My sister’s guy is perfect for me, but she already owns him and I’m too young to fight her for him.

Still, the two of them don’t realize the depth of my feelings. I don’t know how to behave when they get cosy around me and I feel so jealous I want to scream. I’m not sure what to do next.

This week I got an email from my artsy-fartsy sister with an invitation to come visit them in December and go to some fun plays and parties with them and their friends. They even promised my Christmas present from them will be my plane ticket.

Should I say no? I don’t think I could bear watching the two of them at Christmas kissing and hugging and giving presents to each other.

— Three’s a Crowd, Winnipeg

Dear Three’s a Crowd: It’s painful when you want the fairy-tale romance your sister has — with the same man. The hopeful part is you have faced this problem already and realize you cannot steal your sister’s man and know it would a very bad idea to try.

To let things cool down a bit, why not postpone the holiday trip and instead visit the two of them in the new year for some of the same fun outings.

As painful as it may seem now, you’re lucky to have identified the type of partner you want. That’s the first step to finding a great love. Perhaps some of the guys in your sister’s new social circle could possess some of the same characteristics as her boyfriend you’ve coveted. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s high time for my new wife to go back to work and for our dog to head to a doggie daycare.

My wife doesn’t see things that way, though. She’s already changed so much since our summer wedding. We’ll never pay off all of our wedding expenses this year to save up enough money to start a family if she doesn’t get her beautiful bottom back to full-time work, earning the solid salary she can command.

She’s been leaning on me financially since our July wedding and August honeymoon at the lake. Now she just loves sitting around at home baking cakes and watching TV. She wasn’t like this before we got married. She was industrious and independent.

She really doesn’t seem to care anymore about making money or even spending it. She just stays home. Boring.

What’s really going on? I think she secretly hopes to get pregnant right away, but it’s too soon for me.

— How to Get Her Off Her Butt? East Kildonan

Dear Get Her Off Her Butt: Preface an upcoming showdown with, “I love you and I don’t ever want to let you go, but we have a dangerous problem festering here.” Spell out your finances in detail, wrapping up with a short list of what the two of you need to take care of in a hurry.

If that gets you nowhere, tell your mate you’re ready to make an appointment with a relationship counsellor and go without her if need be. That will get her out in a hurry. She’ll surely want to be there to represent herself, and not have you complaining about her behind her back.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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