Erotic fiction not true enough

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This article was published 04/05/2016 (3485 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend writes dirty books and sells them on the Internet. At first I found this funny, but I finally read one all the way through, and now I’m upset. The guys in her books are nothing like me in bed. How can a little guy like me suddenly be “hard-muscled” with a dark tan and a big you-know-what and be introducing women to crazy kinky sex? I feel like a nothing lover now. I’m more like her teddy bear. Is this other stuff what she really wants?

When I asked her, she said, “Oh, I just make that stuff up to sell. I really like you and I just want to have normal sex with you, and maybe we’ll fall in love.” I considered pumping up at a gym for about five minutes. The whole thought of it made me tired. Maybe I should just move along to another woman. What do you think?

— Half the Man She Wants, Wolseley

Dear Half the Man She Wants: If you can say “move on” so easily, maybe you should just do that. You may need a woman who isn’t so familiar with sexual variations so you feel no pressure to be anything other than a teddy bear with a regular libido and a few moves. She might need a man who gets a kick out of her purple prose and fantasies, and enjoys experimenting. She may not even want that, but she certainly doesn’t need need a man who feels insecure and will possibly end up shaming her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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