Under the B, buzz off

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This article was published 09/05/2016 (3778 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s this attractive woman I like at bingo and I think she really likes me. I always sit near enough to make jokes with her, but far enough that her husband, who seems to have a screw loose, won’t notice. I know it’s not proper to ask out a married woman, but really, her husband is right out of it and repeats himself all the time. I think he has dementia. Would it be presumptuous of me to offer to be her friend? I would love to go out for coffee with her and laugh and visit and flirt a little. I’m not looking to cheat with her.

— Widowed Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Widowed Guy: Do you really want to be just friends? If you did, you would just go on being friendly at bingo and wouldn’t be writing me. I feel sorry for the lady and for you, but it still isn’t proper to be chasing her while she’s looking after her mentally-compromised husband.

It’s OK to be kind and friendly and funny at bingo, but asking her to meet you privately isn’t a cool thing to do. Knowing human nature, I realize you might just ask her out anyway. If you do, you better think seriously about damage control. Be very discreet. If members of her family see you, they will hate you, and it won’t be easy for you to form a romantic relationship with her, even after her husband is gone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in university and live on my own, out of choice, but my plan to be alone has backfired. I was the only boy with a lot of sisters and could not wait to get the hell out of the house and have my own bathroom, some privacy and ditch the constant attempts by my sisters to fix me up, like I was one of their dolls. I was the best-dressed guy in high school because they picked all my clothes.

Now I’ve been out of the house for a year in my own apartment, and I’m painfully lonely. I’m embarrassed, but I realize it’s because I’m missing those ridiculous sisters of mine — the gossip, the laughing and all the attention I got. I was so harassed by them, but spoiled, too. Now that I’m not living at home, nobody gives a rip what I wear, how I style my hair or if I even have any. The only way to have that family feeling back again is to move home, but I don’t want to look like a failure. What do you suggest?

— Lonely and Hiding it, Downtown

Dear Lonely and Hiding It: It’s good you recognize you don’t like living alone. Don’t worry that someone will laugh at you because you couldn’t cut it. It’s not a test. Most people don’t like living alone. I’m betting none of your sisters would enjoy it after the first few months either, unless there was a boyfriend visiting all the time. When you grow up in a happy, busy household full of siblings and visiting friends, it’s a bit like a party. Getting some time to yourself is a treat. Right now living alone feels a bit like being in “solitary” and you’re sick of yourself, right?

So, you could go two ways. Move home and say honestly, “I missed you!” when the sisters ask why you are back. Or, maybe you need to live in a mixed co-op house with male and female roommates. But don’t expect the fussing there: you’ll get the enjoyment of mixed company, but you’ll have to pull your own weight.

Because you’re young and love your family so much, I would vote for a move home for another year or two, but don’t go home and be the baby again. Prove you have learned something being on your own by helping out without being asked, and paying your way as much as you can. Act like a young man when you re-enter the family. Talk to your parents about this. You have only been out of high school for a year and they would probably enjoy having you back for a few more years — but not five. Agree on a date when you will move out for good.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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