A mom’s advice for student burnout

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/08/2018 (2929 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a bunch of money in the bank and took the summer off university — big mistake. I can’t even remember it. I was in and out of work, doing little odd jobs for people at their cabins this summer out of sheer boredom. I drank and smoked a lot of weed, slept through the days I wasn’t working and stayed up all night.

Now, it’s nearly fall and I’m back to university and I have a heavy course load. I have laid around so much I don’t even know if I should take it all on. Maybe I should drop some courses because I feel kind of weak and lazy. I didn’t used to be this way.

I burned out last year from overwork and that’s why I took the summer off. I go from one extreme to the other. I feel scared about the upcoming year. My parents live in another province and are paying my tuition. They expect me to pass with honours.

I live with friends who party hearty all the time. I can’t keep a girlfriend, and maybe that’s why. Women generally don’t like hanging around in this crazy house full of male animals. I don’t have a mom around I can tell the truth to, and I need the advice of a grown woman. Please help!

— Totally Lost At 21, University of Manitoba

Dear Lost: At 21, you’re old enough for everything, and still young enough to screw up badly. You’re old enough to set your own goals and go after them. Do you really want the course you are following in terms of education and a career? If that direction has changed, check the counselling services available at school and work it out. You may want to change career paths. Or maybe you could just drop one course and ease your workload.

You’re also old enough to pick a home environment where you can do well and be happy, so get out of the animal house. I remember guys living in that scene from my days in university. That’s not the place for you this fall. But you do need a couple of roommates, so you aren’t lonely. Check the student billboards for different living situations. A mixed community household of men and women can work, but only if you have your own room. You need a private place to study or just be alone, if necessary.

As for the weed and booze, both of them make you tired and lethargic, which results in oversleeping — and that nasty combo can make you feel depressed. It’s also time to take a good look in the mirror and make some decisions about your image.

You also need to take up a sport to keep your blood flowing, your muscles strong and to clear your head. Pick something you enjoyed before, or a new sport, and go after it. You can pull yourself out of this hole! As for the loser guys in the party house, you can still see them, but only once a week when you can sleep in the next day.

And now your love life. Sex and affection and loving company are good for the soul. Once you’re happy, you’ll attract women more easily. Look for someone who also has to study and understands your lifestyle because she shares it. How’s that for mom advice? Hope it helps you. Please let me know how it goes this September.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slept in the guest bedroom last night because I like it there. It’s my escape. My husband is like an octopus! When I’m in the mood, there isn’t a better, more athletic lover. When I’m not, he’s still trying to get sex. We are not talking about lovemaking. He hasn’t a romantic bone in his body. I don’t care about that — I am an athlete and not that romantic myself — I want real action a couple times a week.

I just don’t want to be touched when I’m not into having sex. I told him last night I’d like to have my own bedroom and he’s in a big sulk. He says that’s “not a real marriage.” Lots of couples have their own bedrooms. What should I do? He’s bugging me all the time!

— Married to The Octopus

Dear Married: This kind of guy is insecure about when his next sex session is coming, so he’s always trying. Since you’re not particularly romantic, your best bet is to make a “bedroom sports schedule” with him so he can relax on your days off. If you can agree that Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday are “on” nights and the rest are “off” nights, he can relax and keep his tentacles to himself knowing he’s only 48 hours away from the next session. No need to move out of the bedroom and shake up the marriage.

If you’re having problems, email Miss Lonelyhearts at lovecoach@hotmail.com for an answer.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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