Married flirt toys with emotions

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/01/2019 (2812 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a hilarious, charming man at the bar. He made me laugh all night. I thought it might be OK to go home with him at the end of the night. When it came time to leave, I thought he’d say, “Do you want to come to my place so we can keep talking or go to an all-night cafe for coffee and a bite?”

You know what he said? “Well I guess I better get home to the wife. It sure was nice to meet you.” I just stood there with my mouth open. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me he was married, he laughed and said “that would have spoiled the fun of flirting. I never cheat on my wife.” Then he turned around, waved, and left.

I’m still shocked. I can’t believe the nerve of the man! He used me and had no guilt about disappointing or hurting me. The guy went home to his wife, like he’d just played a simulation game.

I am not a game! I am a person with a heart and emotions. It hurts to be single and honest and be used like this. Why would he do it?

— Feeling Used and Toyed With, The Forks

Dear Toyed With: In his mind, he may have thought he gave you both an innocent little thrill. It didn’t occur to him you would have any emotional investment in the relationship.

In fact, he might have thought your ring was in your purse, as well. That’s why it’s always best to look a person in the eye and ask if they’re married or involved with someone. They may still lie, but most won’t because they know you’re sophisticated enough to know there’s a possibility one or both of you could be just out playing.

It’s not just men who do this. Married women do this, too, more often in a group. They put their rings in their purses when they go out to the bar and pretend they’re single until it’s time to go home. Is their husband at home babysitting the kids, I wonder? Lets hope there are no kids involved, and these women are just playing — but what about the innocent singles they’re playing with?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My New Year’s resolution is to do a favour for someone out of the blue several times a week. I got started on Boxing Day when I had time off.

So far, I have shovelled a walk, helped someone to their car with groceries and taken my old neighbour’s dog out for a short walk on a cold day. I feel better about myself doing these things.

Yes, I know I’m bragging, but at least I have something to brag about. I used to live my whole life for myself. I was thinking about asking my friends to get involved. What do you think?

— Spread the Good Will? St. James

Dear Good Will: Asking your friends to get involved is a bit preachy. Letting your pals know about a few of the things you have done, and what fun it was, might be a better way to inspire them to pay it forward.

If your plan becomes a way to push someone else into it, then it loses some of its sweetness. Holding yourself up as a good example to follow doesn’t feel right somehow.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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