Don’t turn back on annoying family

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/01/2019 (2485 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Being home for Christmas and New Year’s was suffocating. I had a lousy Christmas with my family. I may love them, but I really don’t like them right now. I’ve been away at university, living in residence, and I like it there better.

My parents are deeply religious, and the kids left in the nest are following exactly what mommy and daddy say and believe. At Christmas and New Year’s, my aunt and uncle — a pair of dinosaurs — kept asking when I’d be finished schooling.

My uncle had the nerve to ask when I’d move back to Manitoba so I could “use my medical skills to be of some use to the province.” Small-minded people like him who’ve never been anywhere make me furious.

My aunt asked a lot of personal questions. She’s afraid I’ll fall in love with a guy at university, marry him and never come back to the family.

The women in my family had no careers — the men paid for everything and they stayed home to raise the kids. Good for them! I don’t want to do that.

I’m writing to you while I fly back home where I’ll be able to finally breathe again. How do I handle this snoopy, pushy, religious family with their insinuations and outright criticism of my life?

— Frustrated Beyond Belief, In the Sky Over Ontario

Dear Frustrated: You don’t have to “handle” them. Just carry on as if they have no power over you. Since your mom doesn’t have a job outside the home, the only one who has power over you at this point is your dad, who’s paying for your education. Look for ways to alleviate some of your father’s financial burden, thereby loosening the strings that tie you to him.

As for not moving back, you can apply for jobs in Ontario, where you can land in-person interviews more easily.

Once you are financially independent, nobody can put pressure on you, unless you allow it.

Do you have a part-time job? Have you applied for any awards or scholarships? Know anything about student loans? This would be a good time to talk to a school counsellor about your family problems and get some career advice.

Email your family every two weeks and emphasize the positive aspects of university life and how much you are studying. No need to turn your back on them because you have a different lifestyle than they do.

They love you and you love them, even though you feel like they are meddling old-world dinosaurs. Maybe they are, but they’re your dinosaurs.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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