Reach out to help support troubled ex

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This article was published 20/12/2021 (1718 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a shock when my recent ex-girlfriend banged on my door, waving a Christmas card at me. I opened the door, saw she was drunk, accepted her card and said “Merry Christmas.”

She was slurring her words. I didn’t invite her in. As I said goodbye and went to close the door, she yelled, “You cold-hearted creep!” and walked away obviously crying. I understand why. I was the most normal guy she ever had — and she’s had some losers.

Then she went home and got really drunk, and then phoned me up to really let me have it. I listened for two minutes, and slammed the phone down. She has phoned every night since, and I just let it ring and ring.

Should I call her parents and tell them she’s fallen off the wagon? She lives by herself, and as a decent human being, I do worry about her safety. Although she works from home, and manages to keep her job, I know she’s depressed. I worry about her harming herself this Christmas.

— Worried Ex at Christmas, South End

Dear Worried Ex: Contact her parents and close friends, and put them all on alert. Tell them you can’t take her back, but let them know she really needs contact, friendship and help from those who love her. Loneliness can lead to despair in sentimental seasons.

Give a help line number to her through family and/or friends, such as Klinic’s 24-hour crisis line (204-786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019). Encourage them to try to get her connected to Alcoholics Anonymous (aamanitoba.org). Tell family her problem has gotten really serious. Family and friends of alcoholics can get help dealing with a loved one who’s an alcoholic, and handling their own feelings, through Al-Anon (al-anon.org).

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother and I fought over a woman just before COVID hit, and we haven’t talked in almost two years. He’s been seeing a woman for the last year, but not the person we shared interest in. (My busybody younger sister keeps me informed.)

It’s been too long being enemies! I want to make up with him — he’s my only brother — but I’m scared to try to call him because he’s the type to tell you to F-off, and not listen. That would just hurt me more. How should I work this?

— Wanting My Bro Back, North End

Dear Wanting Bro Back: Ask your sister for permission to use her as a pipeline. (She sounds like the type to love it.) Get her to tell your brother you want to call him and apologize and get past this fight — but you don’t, only because you’re afraid he’ll hang up on you.

My guess is he’ll say something minimal to her like “I won’t hang up” or “He can talk all he wants, but it better be good.” That’s all you need as your invitation.

Get on that phone and tell him you’re sorry for the fight as the first thing out of your mouth. Even if he can’t say he’s sorry, you must be the bigger person. Continue with “I’m hoping we can be friends again.” If he says nothing much in return in terms of forgiveness, change the topic to some other topic he’s interested in. That could be the start of being friends again, but you must do more of the phoning at first. Good luck with reconnecting — ’tis the season to reach out and be kind!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have very little money this year, but still want to give something to people I care about and love at Christmas. What do you suggest when I only have $15 to cover the people I care about? How can I do it?

— Broke Christmas, Downtown

Dear Broke: All you need is a box of Christmas cards and ribbon from a thrift store, plus a bag of Christmas candies from a dollar store. Put on some happy music in the background and get creative! Write a note to each person with something you enjoy about them. Perhaps mention something you did together as in “Remember the time we…” and sign it affectionately. Then stuff candies in with the card, and seal the envelope. Tie it up with a ribbon, and you have a sweet little gift that will warm hearts of the people you love!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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