Ring will always be rancorous reminder

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This article was published 27/12/2021 (1680 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I disagree with your advice to “Second Best Wife,” the daughter-in-law who felt duped and humiliated when she discovered the ring her mother-in-law bequeathed her — which she had admired so much — wasn’t a real diamond, but a zirconia.

Her husband, who was sure it was a trick of his mom’s, laughed loudly and said, “Gotta love her!”

(I advised the daughter-in-law that it’s her ring now, and she has every right to dispose of it as she wishes. —Miss L.)

The mother-in-law bought it for herself for her 50th birthday, wore it proudly and pretended it was a real diamond. It was good enough for her! Daughter-in-law long admired it, and was thrilled to inherit it. Well, that ring is no less beautiful just because it’s not a diamond.

Did daughter-in-law only like it because she thought it was worth a lot of money? Why not continue to appreciate it for its beauty, instead of feeling humiliated that it’s not “real?” Seems pretty shallow to me!

By the way, who is to say that the mother-in-law wasn’t duped when she bought it? Why assume the worst and feel humiliated?

— Louise, Winnipeg

Dear Louise: How could the daughter-in-law wear that ring anymore? She knew the mother-in-law didn’t like her, no matter how hard she tried to please her. The insensitive husband laughed out loud, and said of his deceased mother, “Gotta love her!” when the ring’s real worth came out. He knew his mother was the type to trick his wife, and will be laughing from the skies. By the way, the wife wasn’t intending to have it appraised, until her husband suggested it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: “Second Best Wife” wanted her mother-in-law’s ring, and it was left to her, so why complain when she found out it wasn’t a “quality diamond?” She wore this ring proudly every day for three months. Then after the appraisal, she felt duped. What am I missing?

To me, this seems a little too much about the money: “If the ring is expensive I want it; if it’s worthless, giving it to me is awful.” What if the ring had been left to someone else? If daughter-in-law wants the last laugh, keep wearing the ring proudly!

— Scratching My Head, rural Manitoba

Dear Scratching My Head: The last thing the wife wants to wear on her finger now is that mother-in-law’s ring, and how could she do it proudly? Her husband was laughing about how his dead mother pulled a trick on her. He knew his mom was devious enough to do it! I think we can believe a son’s assessment of his mother’s character. Besides, his mother made it clear she wanted him to marry someone else, and the woman he chose was second best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In response to “Second Best Wife’s” humiliation and hurt, her husband might be wise to consider taking his her to pick out a real diamond replacement ring. The gesture alone is valuable, and the cost, if it turns out to be expensive, would be worth it if it restores his wife’s sense of value for her position as his wife.

The rewards for doing so are significant and long-ranging. It’s clear his wife isn’t able to laugh this off. She needs reassurance.

— Linda, Manitoba

Dear Linda: This is a good idea and might help soothe the hurt feelings that arose when her husband laughed in her face over what he believed was his mother’s deception.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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