Don’t be too quick in judging chronic re-gifter

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This article was published 29/12/2020 (2111 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A group of my girlfriends like to do a gift exchange New Year’s Day when all the family fuss is over. But now there’s a “re-gifter” in the group! We have a limit of $40 and there are no restrictions as to what you can purchase. Your imagination leads you — lots of sexy items like intimate games and nice lingerie! We get together, have snacks and wine, and play the gift exchange game — putting all the gifts in the middle and drawing numbers to go up and pick a gift from the pile.

Well, for the past two years one girlfriend has re-gifted her last year’s present — same gift, paper and bows. She must chuck her gift in a drawer for 365 days. Does she think no one notices?

This year we can’t get together for the party because of COVID restrictions, but we have already picked names and dropped gifts off at a designated person’s house. The re-gifter got my name. Yup, it’s the same darn gift she got last year, and made such a fuss over. Should I phone her and tell her re-gifting within the group is insulting and cheap? Or should I shut up and let it be?

— Insulted and Annoyed, Charleswood

Dear Annoyed: Maybe she can’t afford a $40 gift every year after Christmas, when lots of people are broke and hanging on for the next paycheque — if they still get one. If you out her privately, she may or may not back out of the group. Is she a well-liked person, except for this?

Talk this over with someone who isn’t as annoyed as you are, and look for a nicer way to deal with this — or maybe don’t deal with it at all. It’s just a party, after all! The next person she picks will get her gift from this year and maybe they’ll love it. It may well be that she loved it too… but kept it to give away the next year because it’s always an event she can’t afford.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The letter from Simmering evoked a chuckle as the first thoughts that came to mind were “Welcome to the world of women.” (Simmering is the guy who’s doing most of the child care and housework because his wife works as a baker — wee hours to late morning — sleeps when she gets home, and then gets up and doesn’t pitch in. — Miss L.)

You told him to sit down with his wife, and make up a schedule for both.

No insults intended, but cooking and child care are the things most working mothers do on a daily basis while many husbands enjoy rest and relaxation. Studies back this up, showing women are responsible for the majority of work when it comes to child rearing and household management, thus causing friction in the relationship. This time the shoe is on the other foot!

— Daily Reader, Winnipeg

Dear Daily Reader: The woman in question was possibly slacking off a bit by acting like she was whacked from work and had to put her feet up a full 16 hours after her baking shift. She had eight hours to sleep, and time to help out before preparing for work, but wasn’t doing much of anything.

With so many people working from home due to COVID-19, the partner leaving the house to work is just as often the woman now. Think of that army of hands-on workers like nurses, female doctors and medical workers, teachers, trades workers and many others who must go in to the workplace do their jobs. And there are countless office workers now operating remotely from home, who didn’t before.

This is one of the things COVID could help change for good, as many more couples will experience the unfairness of the home-based worker getting saddled with way more than their share of household and child-care duties.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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