Mother’s bully boyfriend the epitome of weakness

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/12/2020 (2067 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has a new boyfriend and the guy’s an idiot! She goes nowhere without him, so we can’t enjoy our mom without Loudmouth right there beside her.

He swears like a sailor in front of everyone, including our little children, and he corrects her on the tiniest thing. The other day he contradicted her for the 100th time, then turned to me and said, “Buddy, your mom is such a flake, isn’t she? Hahaha!”

I finally lost it, and backed him up against my fridge, so we were eye-to-eye. I said: “My mother is an intelligent woman. Next time you disrespect her, I’ll throw you out the door, head first! Apologize to her right now!”

He stormed out instead, and left her with me. She started to bawl, not just cry a little, and the grandkids were horrified.

I took her to the bedroom for a private talk about her always going after men like that, including our father. She said, “I can’t stand weak men.”

I said, “Your new guy is the weakest kind of man there is — he bullies women!” She started crying again, and asked my wife for a ride home.

What more can I do? — Frustrated With Mom’s Men, Fort Richmond

Dear Frustrated: Your statement about her choosing bullies will take time to sink in, but it may help her see the light in time — or at least a glimmer.

Start doing some digging around in her background. Was her father a weak man or a bully? It’s unlikely his personality style sat comfortably in the middle. Was her mother weak and compliant or the boss of the household?

There are many more possible scenarios, but check for these ones at first. An aunt or uncle would be able to tell you about your mother’s family, or your mom might tell you herself — but only if you sit and listen quietly and don’t start preaching.

There are generally understandable reasons for people’s behaviours. Good luck fishing for them!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: New Year’s Eve has always meant a whole lot more to me than Christmas, but this year it seems like we can expect a cold and lonely introduction to 2021.

I know we should really be applauding and celebrating as the first vaccines will be rolling out steadily.

Hey, if we can’t have a party outside with friends and are stuck with our boring household, what can we do, Miss L.? More movies? Yawn. — Where’s the Remote? Silver Heights

Dear Remote: New Year’s Eve at home can be fun if you plan a different kind of dinner with music to match. For example, you might go outside and have a winter barbecue with seafood and a Caribbean theme.

This year, be sure to burn candles as symbols of better times to come in 2021, and make plans for the time when we are safe.

And, at some point, use your phone and computer to wish friends and family you usually see a Happy New Year!

As for fireworks, there will be lots of displays available online you can watch safely — even really wild displays from previous years!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The man who wrote you calling himself Torn Son of Alcoholic shouldn’t even be considering going to his parents’ home for a holiday meal (even if dad has recently stopped drinking and he wants his son to show renewed support).

We are under code red restrictions, for heaven’s sake (as Miss L. pointed out in her reply) and no two households are allowed to gather in one home this year.

My suggestion for when people are allowed to visit family? Out of respect for Torn’s father, no one should drink alcohol. Instead, bring lots of different flavours of sparkling water to share.

No one should need alcohol to have a good visit. — Just Follow the Rules, Manitoba

Dear Follow the Rules: Torn understandably wants to show his dad he respects him for getting sober, but you’ll note dad doesn’t care about the COVID threat to family or the reasons for the code red.

Once again — just like when he was still drinking — he’s not really thinking of protecting his family. He wants appreciation for quitting drinking, for his son to see what he has accomplished, and for them to be closer.

In the future, when COVID is at bay and it’s safe to visit dad, sparkling water is a good plan, although coffee might be better, as it in no way resembles a cocktail, which could light a strong desire in an alcoholic for a real one.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.