Employ fun to get on even footing with mate

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/12/2020 (2062 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend never cleans up. He also has the gall to say he pulls his weight by paying more of the bills. I have a half-time job. He’s insinuating I should make up the difference by being his maid. That drives me wild. I only pay $100 less per month for rent and bills!

Shouldn’t everybody clean up their own underwear and personal mess? I’m starting to lose my attraction to his personality, because of his slovenliness. He is annoying, but I must say he’s a sexual wizard. So, how can I get him to pull his weight in the cleaning department? Like most people, I don’t want to break up during a pandemic, when hunting for new love is impossible.

— Not His Unpaid Maid! Windsor Park

Dear Not His Maid: First, diffuse the hostility. To turn this problem into a fun situation, catch your guy in a good mood and suggest a major clean-up together, Saturdays only, with music blaring. Then, as a reward to you both, some afternoon delight. You must also promise to put some real effort into finding more work, as financial inequity, and your being home half-days is part of this quarrel, and it’s not going to go away magically.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I decided this year that my husband of three years and I should write a letter to people who have touched our lives. With COVID taking so much away, I thought this might bring some cheer to this weird 2020 holiday season. I wrote my sick grandma a letter of cherished memories with her. My husband insisted on privacy for his project.

We wrote our letters separately on our home computer, printed them on nice paper and sealed them in sparkly Christmas cards I had bought. He mailed them.

I wasn’t able to locate something on the home computer yesterday, and went into the deleted bin. Imagine my shock when I came across a familiar woman’s name. I opened it up and there was a heart-wrenching letter from my husband, begging this women to give him “more time to get a divorce,” so they could start their lives together. He said he agreed they “were always meant to be.” I went to the bathroom, threw up and collapsed sobbing. I’d been completely blindsided. I believed we were crazy in love. I never suspected anything.

Last night I came home from work and wrote a letter to him, along with a copy of his letter to her. I put it in the closed sparkly card box, which will be waiting for him on the breakfast table on the morning of New Year’s Day, when we always share our list of resolutions.

I know this is what I have to do… I think it has to be over, but my heart is breaking for the man I still love. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen to us!

Am I doing the right thing, or should I suggest counselling to give us one more chance? We were going to have babies but hadn’t gotten around to it yet, because he kept saying he wasn’t ready.

— Broken But Still Standing, Winnipeg

Dear Still Standing: He’s asking this woman for “more time to get a divorce.” That doesn’t sound like a casual dalliance. It sounds like it’s been going on for some time and he’s already been given some time from her to break up with you, but just hasn’t gotten the deed done yet.

If you want counselling, go for it, even if you have to go alone. Then you can never blame yourself for not trying to save your marriage. Expect that your husband may flatly refuse to go as he knows more of the real story will come out. He can’t so easily bend the truth with an experienced counsellor in the room. They are good at reading faces and body language and getting at the truth in a cheating situation, even if the third party is missing.

It’s a good thing your husband didn’t agree to having a baby with you, since he had leaving on his mind. Do you really want a man like this in your life? If he sticks around to father children for you, it adds more stress to a marriage he doesn’t really want. He’s likely to be gone at some point.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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