Hubby paints desolate picture of life with artist wife

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This article was published 12/06/2019 (2669 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m only half in love with my young artist wife after six months, and I feel very guilty about it. She is a wonderful lover — no fault there — but she is a strange person to live with. She sleeps half the day and works until 3 a.m.

She never goes to bed with me at the end of the day (11 p.m. for me) except for sex when she wants it. Then she jumps on me, and gets right back up after, going back to work painting, and I sleep by myself. I always thought I’d have a wife to cuddle with after sex and talk about the day.

Before we were married, she always stayed overnight at my house, where she doesn’t have a painting room, because it was nicer and had a bigger bed. Now we’re married and living at my house, she’s gone right back to her single ways.

There are no meals unless I cook them. She just makes a sandwich when she’s hungry or we go out. I’d asked her before we married if she wanted children and she said, “By all means YES!” I was happy about that. Recently I asked her how we’d feed the children and look after them with both of us working and she said, “We’d have to get a nanny, of course!” She fancies herself getting rich with her art and book writing.

I feel like I got married and got a roommate who moved into my house, not a wife and mom for our kids down the road. Help please!

— Disappointed Husband, Winnipeg South

Dear Disappointed: This relationship needs to be taken into the shop. You two may not be suited to have a marriage and children even though you had a fun time as lovers in different houses, living different lifestyles.

There’s no shame in going to see a marriage counsellor in the first six months, because the first two years of a marriage are often the hardest ones. It sounds like you’re avoiding conversations about these important issues, so maybe she doesn’t know how you feel and thinks everything’s OK. Time to rock the boat!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a small dog who goes out with me in a bike carrier. I took her to the zoo recently, where she ran around close to me and then did her business in a flower garden. I went over and couldn’t find “it” and sat down again.

This older lady who was sitting close to us came over and lit into me like she was my grandmother, telling me I was an irresponsible dog owner. Finally I lost it and said, “Go and sit down and mind your own business, grandma!” and she left muttering how she was going to sic the zoo officials on me. I know I was rude, but how should you handle old people who don’t mind their own business?

— Angry Dog Owner, North Tuxedo

Dear Irritated: You might have raised an eyebrow, told her the little poop was so small you couldn’t find it, and invited her to go and try and to find it herself, and said, “Then I will gladly pick it up.” Instead of returning the insult, you would have challenged her to help. It’s unlikely she would have taken you up on the challenge, and very likely she’d have huffed off to mind her own business — for the day.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a bossy young daughter of five who totally dominates her easygoing older brother, who’s seven. She pushes him around and commands him to do this and that, and most of the time he does what she says.

Lately, he’s started shouting in frustration. Today he proclaimed, “I hate my sister!” Obviously, this has gone too far, but how do you deal with two opposite kinds of personalities at five and seven years old? Though I love them both, of the two, he’s the more likable kid to the outside world. I have always thought you should let kids work problems out themselves. What do you think?

— Upset Daddy

Dear Daddy: Kids don’t have the brain development or the experience to work out a lot of differences — and clashing personality types are a complicated issue.

That means you have to teach them about each other’s personalities. They also have to learn boundaries. For example, your daughter needs to be told things like, “You don’t have the right to order other people around. You can ask them nicely, but they don’t have to say yes to everything you want them to do.” This is one big lesson for your little girl to learn right now, as her brother has reached his limit.

Another lesson from you: “If you want people to like you and be your friend, you have to listen to their ideas, too, and show them that you like them.” Bossy little people can learn how to be nicer, bossy people, though they will probably always be bossy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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