Let boozed-up visit to ex’s dad be a lesson

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2021 (1971 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 21 and thought I was in love with this guy who lived with his dad. But, after a number of months, I realized I was more in love with his recently-widowed father who’s in his early 40s.

Once I realized this, I had to be honest with the guy I was dating about my feelings for his father and break up with him. He was horrified. He doesn’t want me anywhere near him or his dad, and I hear he moved out of his dad’s place for some reason. Maybe they had a fight.

Unfortunately, I was watching romantic movies last weekend and feeling sorry for myself. After a few too many drinks, I made a decision to visit his dad and offer condolences. I went and knocked on the door and he opened it. I started talking, but he interrupted me and asked me how I could dare break up with his son to go chasing after him!

I left feeling like the lowest thing that crawls. So now I’m feeling ashamed and mortified that I acted on my drunken decision and went to visit the father.

What should I do next? How do I recover from being a complete fool? It’s all I can do to drag myself to work, do my job and then come home, and cry.

— Complete Idiot at 20, Winnipeg

Dear Complete: Most people have done some extremely foolish things in their younger days, and it seems it was your turn. The good news? You’ll learn much out of this, and carry on.

Let’s speed up this process with some things you should learn from this debacle: a romantic movie can push the plot along very quickly, but real life moves much slower; drunken ideas are often the worst you’ll have, so never act on them.

If you and another person are meant to be, you don’t have to pounce on them, and it’s definitely a bad mistake to go after more than one person in a family. Also, 20-plus years of age difference is too much and people who are mourning a loved one don’t want any kind of romantic pitch, from anyone.

Here’s hoping things go better for you. If they don’t, it’s time to look into counselling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out my mother had a baby when she was a teenager, and gave it up for adoption. My mom told me she was too young to raise the baby girl, and it was for the best. Now she’s married to my dad and I guess she thought she’d tell me, seeing I was the same age as she was when she got pregnant.

Maybe it was a warning, but back-fired on her, because now I want to know my sister! I’m 15, and I want to find her. My mom says she didn’t tell me earlier because she was afraid for this to happen, and that I should just let it be.

But I can’t! I said, “Don’t you want to meet your own daughter?” and she said, “Someone else adopted her and she’s their daughter and they love her, and I’m sure they don’t want anybody to try to come back after her.” What can I do to find my sister?

— Wanting So Badly to Know Her, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting So Badly: When a person is 18 or older, they can set wheels in motion to find their birth parent and relatives. They can sign the forms needed to access the province’s open birth records related to adoption any time after that. Both adoptees and birth parents can apply to access these important records. These days, all people who have adopted children have been prepared for this possibility. It could be upsetting to them — or not. There are services to provide advice, and support them.

Your mom would have to find out if the daughter she gave birth to has signed the necessary forms. So, it’s time to have another nicer talk with your mom about the records. This may still be a heartache to her, or she may have tried to put it behind her and has not wanted to interfere in the new parents’ lives.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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