Now is the time to take control of your diet, health

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/04/2020 (2358 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went on a secret diet two weeks ago — and gained five pounds! I had coffee for breakfast and ate my diet food for lunch — salads, fruit and veggies — but my wife would sucker me into eating a “regular dinner” — meat with sauces and a pasta dish (we’re Italian), and then I’d have some wine, and break down and eat some of her special desserts.

I think the weight gain is her fault. She knows I have to be on a diet, and isn’t helping me at all. I’m 45 ugly pounds overweight, according to my doctor’s scale, and I’m borderline diabetic. The doc is concerned and asked me what I intended to do. I said I would lose all the necessary weight ASAP.

My wife is also overweight by about the same amount. I think she doesn’t want me to get slim since she isn’t anymore. We are at home a lot together — kids have flown, virus is happening — and she has started baking daily to fill the time, and then cooking these giant meals as if the kids still lived here. How can I handle this problem?

— Pre-Diabetic and Gaining, Fort Garry

Dear Pre-Diabetic: Ask your wife the big unspoken question, nicely: “Are you worried that if I lose 40 pounds, bad things will happen? Like I would look at you critically, or I’d start looking at other women?”

Then emphasize you must lose the weight because you’re endangering your life and your doctor says it’s about to cause a big health problem — diabetes. Ask her to consider dieting with you, so the same doesn’t happen to her because you can’t bear to lose her.

Notice that I didn’t suggest you tell her to quit making all those rich foods. That will naturally follow if she agrees to diet. But, if she doesn’t agree, you’ll have to cook plain meats and fish without fattening sauces and refuse her baking and wine, as it breaks down your will.

Definitely ask her to come out on daily walks with you, and go alone if she won’t. After you lose the first 10 pounds and it starts showing, she may want to join you. Or not! This is your own health adventure and she may even try to sabotage you because you’re making her feel guilty. If you need human support, join a weight-loss group online and you’ll get lots of it.

Watch out for tricks to get you to stay in, instead of exercising after dinner. “I’ll watch that movie with you in an hour, darling,” is a nice way to counteract the sabotage. It’s much better than squaring up for a fight with, “Are you trying to wreck my diet?” 

Psst! Be aware that lovemaking burns off calories and is fun exercise, so it’d be wise to keep your partner in a good mood. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel lonely since my wife died and I have taken on extra work to fill my hours. I’m an accountant and people need their taxes done, lucky for me. But that doesn’t fill my need for a girlfriend.

I told my sister (who’s disgustingly happy with her mate) I was thinking of getting a dog because my wife would never let me have one. My sister said, “You should be looking for a girlfriend, not a dog!” What an ignorant thing for her to say! This may the time to start dating, but I’m not really over my wife yet. What do you think? 

Dear Lonely: Call Adventures for Successful Singles about their Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends course, now offered by phone (204-775-3484). And you should get that puppy for love, companionship, fun walks and stick-chasing — everything one does with a puppy.

The face-to-face girlfriend thing needs to be put on hold, but you should consider checking women out online on dating websites. You won’t be able to get together for some months, so that really gets you off the dating hook. While you get over your wife, you can make friends and chat online or on the phone until COVID-19 restrictions ease up.

Good news! This is the time you stop asking women to run your life. Your sister needs to be put in her place. It also sounds like your wife decided a lot of things for you, as if her word was law — the puppy situation, for instance! You’re on your own now, whether you like being alone or not, and it’s time you took back your power.

Don’t consult your sister about anything personal. She sounds like a bit of a know-it-all and thinks she can get away with it with you. Let her know things are changing and the new you is making up his own mind about everything.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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