Decide if ‘detective’ role is worth it

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/04/2020 (2030 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love watching how my boyfriend thinks he’s fooling me by sneaking around. I know exactly what game he’s playing and with whom, most of the time. He’s done this before and I’ve reined him in. He seems almost grateful when I out him for flirting with other women and going over to their places. He swears he’s never slept with any of them, because I’m the only one he loves. What do you think?

— His Little Fool? Windsor Park

Dear Little Fool: You’re wasting time trying to fool yourself that he will only have sex with “the one woman he loves.” If he’s flirting with women and going over to their places (with bedrooms), he didn’t just go there for tea.

The reason he seems “grateful” when you out him on his fooling around is because he feels an accumulation of guilt. But after these sessions where he’s had his fingers slapped for being a naughty boy, he gets to keep you and his guilt level goes down.

He wins the game of “almost losing you” by still keeping you. Why are you accepting tall tales and keeping him on no matter how he disrespects your relationship?

Could it be you’re afraid of a healthy guy who’s emotionally available? Try and figure out what you fear, and it will help you get over this game. That is unless you really find it a turn-on — searching for his babes like a private detective and then revealing your finds in a dramatic scene that ends in a declaration of love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend broke up with me for no reason, and I was forced to move home. I went back to get some of my stuff and there was note on the door that said, “Everything you left behind accidentally on purpose is in the garbage! Don’t come back again.”

I went around to the garbage and there was a bunch of my stuff from my bureau in a big bag. I started to cry, and then he came out and said quietly, “OK, sorry for the note. I’ll help you load this stuff in your car.” He was looking at his feet, not at me. That’s when I noticed he had a black eye. I asked, “Where did you get that?”

“From your freakin’ brother!” was his answer. I went home and asked my brother why, and he said “Because he deserves it, and that’s all I’m going to say.” I thought they were good friends. Why did this happen?

— Secrets Being Hidden From Me, Fort Richmond

Dear Secrets: The secret will come out soon, as groups of friends tend to question black eyes — and the stories behind them.

My guess is your boyfriend did something nasty and sneaky, and then kicked you out and packed you off before you found out. The note warning you not to come back suggests another girlfriend was already on the scene. Perhaps your brother went over and found a girl there, and was so mad he threw a punch that didn’t miss. Just guessing! Contact a few mutual friends and go after the story. Someone knows!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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