It’s time for mutual insight at home

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/04/2020 (1983 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just realized my husband was a great IDEA to me, until he became a daily flesh-and-blood reality. As a hotshot businessman, he got up at 6:30 a.m., showered and dressed to go to his company. I guess he grabbed drive-thru brekkie on the way to work. I don’t know.

I got up at 7:30 a.m. with the two kids, and got them breakfast and off to school, and then I went to work. Then my husband or I got dinner for the family while the other parent went out to the gym, a club or a dinner meeting. We were a tag team, and a good one. In bed we used to be turned on by the status the other had gained in the working world.

But now we’re just people working from home because of the pandemic. I don’t even know if he loves me or I love him as simply a regular person. Now we’re both at home and look at each other kind of like strangers. I hate being at home endlessly, and so does he! I must say I really don’t like seeing him in sweats and a T-shirt all day. I’m sure he thinks I’m nuts to dress up for working at home.

We talk awkwardly like people who don’t know each other very well. How do I get to know this stranger who is my husband?

— Married Strangers, Tuxedo

Dear Married Strangers: A game of catch-up and friend-making would be a good start with your husband. I’m not kidding! You two have about 10 years to catch up on. As a kind of evening game over coffee or drinks and snacks, you could add some excitement to your lives at home this way: As a start, each of you makes up a list of 15 questions you’d like to ask about your mate’s life in the last decade. (You never had time to do this before as life was whirling by with two career and kids going to school.)

If one or both of you might be scared to get involved in the questions game because you’re afraid of queries about personal attractions to other people, then make an agreement not to ask anything so personal it would blow the marriage apart.

This is not the time for breakups; it’s the time for bonding and growing closer with partners and family. Who knows, you may end up with new and better reasons for making love — once you get to know the person underneath the business suit!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister and I got in a fight and I pulled a chunk of her hair out. It was so small, it was nothing. I threw it on the floor. If she hadn’t picked it up, and run to our mom with it, I wouldn’t be in this trouble. My sister is such a tattletale! I’m 11 and she’s nine.

Mom started to cry, saying. “I’d always hoped you girls would be close friends, and love each other.” Like we aren’t! I’ve never seen my mother cry. My dad was really mad at me for making her cry, and my punishment was not to be able to play with my sister for a whole week. I thought it was a long time and very mean. What do you think?

— Punished for a Whole Week, Winnipeg

Dear Punished: Time is different for grown-ups and children. One week can whiz by for a busy parent, but goes by very slowly for kids with less to do, and no one to play with. I’m guessing you won’t be pulling any more hair. Here’s something you should know: Parents who are close can’t stand to see each other cry, and will be hard on the child or adult who caused them tears.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.