Santa Claus Parade: The annual Yuletide test of parental wits

Seen from above, the woman running eastward down the middle of Portage Avenue in the darkness is a curious sight.

She pushes a double-wide bicycle trailer as a stroller, ferrying two crying toddlers, leaving little puffs of her breath behind her like a steam engine in the cold November evening.

The street is deserted, a few bits of cellophane follow in her wake — the wrappers of mini candy canes discarded along the now-deserted parade route. She began running at the intersection of Furby and Broadway. Now, approaching Edmonton Street, she’s no nearer to her quarry.

If we listen very carefully, we can hear the cries of the children in the stroller, hear a word between the sobs: “Santa! Santa!”

She continues her pursuit.

Somewhere, still ahead of her, nearing Portage and Main where the parade will end, is the back end of a float, on it a sleigh high in the air, shuttling the man of the hour, waving to the children whose parents arrived in time to see him.

We may judge her, but the previous year’s parade started a half hour later, and the route was reversed: east to west instead of west to east.

Her only mistake was thinking there was anything predictable in this life, and now she’s somewhere alone behind Santa’s float, running down the middle of Portage Avenue in the dark to the soundtrack of preschool lamentations, a wailing warning to parents everywhere lest they be inadequately prepared for this annual test of maternal and paternal wits.

Learn from me, oh citizens. Here is the essential survival guide to Saturday’s parade.

Small children are not known for being co-operative nor patient when hungry, and the parade runs exactly during common dinner hours. Someone will need to bring sufficient snacks and drinks, or make a plan for a very early supper.

Everything will need to be engineered for mittened hands, and filling enough to stave off the crankiness that will set in when tiny tummies are full only of mini-candy canes proffered by parade participants.

In case of emergency, note that there are few quick dinner places open downtown Saturday night, but there is a Subway shop at Kennedy and Graham, and Dan’s Café on Edmonton near Graham.

Of course, feeding and watering children necessitates the next piece of planning: portable toilets are to stationed at the beginning and end of the parade route, and along Portage Avenue at Smith, Hargrave, Carlton and Vaughan.

Dress warm. Warmer than you think. Standing still for over an hour on cold concrete does nothing to warm the toes. If you have little ones in a stroller, bring blankets for them.

Etiquette at the Santa Claus Parade is tricky. Small children need to be able to see, and big parents need to keep them in eyesight. Along with all those snacks and all the warm clothing, bring patience and generosity.

Encourage your own bigger kids to allow a smaller person in front of them and remind them to share the treats they are able to collect with the younger children, who cannot compete at the curb for the scattered sweets.

Try to balance the need to be part of the action with everyone being able to cope with the interpersonal demands of childhood.

If your children are the adventurous type, the sort who see downtown after dark as an opportunity to demonstrate their independence, you may consider establishing a meeting point once you settle into your parade-viewing spot. The doorway of the nearest shop works well — it’s just outside the crowded curb area but not out of eyesight.

In the case of my family, now too big for strollers, we outfit them with stern warnings and two-way radios, which can help notify us when a wayward boy has found his way to the meeting point.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, check and re-check the parade route and start time so you won’t end up chasing Santa down Portage Avenue as I did.

You heard it here: this year, the parade starts at 5 p.m. from Portage and Main, travelling down Portage Avenue and ending at St. Mary Avenue and Memorial Boulevard.

Once more for the sleep-deprived parents in the back: That’s east to west, at 5 p.m., Saturday night.

This time, we’ll be there too.

rebecca.chambers@freepress.mb.ca