First & Goal

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/10/2009 (5801 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Five storylines that jumped out while observing the

past week of Canadian Football League action:

1 Nobody asked me, but if Toronto Argonaut head

coach Bart Andrus continues to deal away players

who defy him or speak out against the organization

then expect a couple of developments to unfold if

the Boatmen take on more water down the stretch.

First, more players will be exiled, just as Arland

Bruce III (Hamilton) and Byron Parker (Edmonton)

have been, especially if the losing continues and

frustrations mount.

And, two, if the Argos give up their best talent for

prospects and draft picks — as they did with Bruce

III and Parker — expect every CFL team to scramble

to get Andrus & Co. on speed dial. Fire sale, anyone?

Said Eskimo GM Danny Maciocia after acquiring

the former all-star: "He’s a quality football player, a

quality corner. We’re excited."

Translation: "A fourth-round draft pick for a stud

like Parker?! Are you freaking kidding me?! Wooohoooo!!!"

2 Quite the scene at the end of Bomber practice

on Tuesday. A lady dressed up as a French maid

was serenading Doug Brown on his 35th birthday in

front of the entire team and delivering him cake, balloons

and a goody bag. His teammates said afterward

it was priceless to see Brown speechless, arguably

for the first time in his career.

"I’ve haven’t been the butt of too many jokes on

birthdays, but I guess when it’s your 35th it’s overdue,"

said Brown. "It was unusual. She gave me a

rubber chicken, put a velvet rose in my mouth and

made me kiss her hand. It was very uncomfortable

and awkward — especially because it was in front of

50 of your closest friends and teammates.

"She spoke worse French than I did, I’ll tell you

that right now. My Grade 11 French was trumping

her out there."

3 Kudos, long overdue, to Paul Bennett and all the

people involved for bringing the Canadian Football

Hall of Fame Game and induction weekend to

Winnipeg last week. The events were a rousing success

and last Friday’s banquet, which featured some

touching and witty speeches from inductees Alondra

Johnson, Rudy Phillips, Glen Weir, Jim Mills and

Tony Anselmo — along with legendary Bud Grant

being presented with his hall-of-fame blazer by Ken

Ploen — was absolutely first class.

Bennett & Co. raised the bar for the event and must

have the shrine’s operators contemplating taking the

show on the road every September rather than have

it annually in Hamilton, the Hall’s home base.

4 Hate to see it happen this way, but veteran

hoofer Paul McCallum is now rotting in Vancouver

wondering if he’ll get a chance to kick again. The

39-year-old veteran will be paid until the end of the

season, but Lions GM and head coach Wally Buono

would not honour his request for permission to seek a

trade or be released.

"I’m true to myself. I’m not stupid," McCallum

told The Vancouver Province. "The second I saw my

abilities were starting to diminish I’d say enough is

enough; I’ve got a family to support. The way I’ve

kicked the last three years and at camp there was

no reason for me not to play. But as far as I know I

am not getting another chance. There’s no sense me

being here."

Added Buono: "I’m sorry Paul feels betrayed but

the point is things have changed. My job isn’t to

make the popular decision; it’s to make the right

decision."

5 And, finally, in our ongoing rant against bad

TV commercials during football broadcasts

we have a new contender for the worst effort of

the season. First, it was the RONA spot where the

dumb-ass builds a deck inside his house — thanks

to the loyal reader who started an on-line petition

to get it yanked, by the way — but now we have one

that might be even worse. Anyone else as annoyed

as yours truly about the spot where a guy is getting

therapy because his mother is, wait for it, a Quizno’s

oven? There’s stupid, and then there’s incomprehensibly

stupid.