Waiting-room chat not start of new friendship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/03/2016 (3520 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a very funny woman at my doctor’s office today, and we sat and talked about this and that and our lives in general for an hour. I felt like I made a new friend. I was about to give this woman my name and phone number, when they finally called her in and she grabbed up her stuff and went.

After our appointments, I guess she went out another door because I didn’t see her. I asked the receptionist if she could give me her name or pass my name on to her, but she said it was against the rules. So, I thought I had made a new friend, but apparently not.

Was this friendship meant to be or not? Did she duck out the door and not come around to make her next appointment because she was sick of me? Should I try to find her? What else can I do?

— Need a New Friend, Selkirk

Dear Need a New Friend: Just let this one go. Sometimes people who sit beside each other on a long airplane ride talk intensely for a couple of hours, and almost tell each other their whole life’s story. One or both may feel like they’ve made a new friend, and then it’s over. It’s a strange phenomenon. Selkirk isn’t that big. Maybe you’ll run into her again somewhere.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an urge to bite strangers. I don’t do it, but I come very close. This lady with with plump arms was sitting on the bus, and took her jacket off. I felt an urge to bite her, but I didn’t. Sometimes I get a different urge to kick someone or stomp on their foot. I don’t know where to turn to get help with this. I know there’s something wrong with me. It’s too embarrassing to confess. Please help.

— Strange Urges, Brandon

Dear Strange Urges: Your best bet would be to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Your physician would be able to refer you. Sometimes it’s hard to get an appointment with a psychiatrist because of the waiting lists, but a psychologist is much easier to see. Unless you have a group insurance plan at work, you will have to pay the whole amount and it could cost you between $75 and $200.

Do you find you are angry with people and can’t express it to them because they have authority over you, or you might lose someone close to you? Unexpressed anger may be causing the urge to bite or kick a stranger for no obvious reason to you. Just for interest sake, make a list of all the people and situations that make you angry. If the list is impressive, you might begin to get some understanding of why you just feel like chomping or kicking at someone.

Road rage is often like this. People are not particularly angry at the person they honk and yell at — a little maybe, but not worthy of one’s full-out screaming and honking. Often the person who suddenly becomes roaring mad is expressing the triggering anger, plus all the previous frustrations they usually aren’t allowed to express. It escalates and they can’t stop. Whacking a pillow with a toy bat is something some psychologists suggest to get some of that anger out.

At any rate, you need to get some professional help. Make an appointment and confess everything to your doctor, no matter how silly the words may seem to you. Write them down if you can’t speak them. Just get the information across.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography