Sometimes young love just bites

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/09/2016 (3308 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my boyfriend gets really wound up while we are kissing, he murmurs, “Bite me, bite me,” which seems a bit sick. I have tried biting him, but it just isn’t natural to me. I complained and he said the wrong thing: “But my old girlfriend used to do it for me, and it really turned me on.”

So I said he should just go back to her. Then he replied: “Maybe I will!” and got dressed to go home. I just let him go. Now he’s been calling and wants a second round. I don’t know. Should I go back to him? We are both 21.

— Not a Biter, Fort Rouge

Dear Not a Biter: There are truly lots of fish in the sea when you’re 21 — guys who are single and looking, and most don’t want to be bitten. You are best to let this guy go as you will always know he wants what you don’t want. You won’t feel adequate and he won’t feel satisfied. He wants a little pain with his sex and maybe that’s just the start.

You simply don’t feel that same desire and there’s nothing wrong with that. This relationship was just a mismatch for both of you and nobody’s fault.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m slowly losing my hearing. At first I didn’t want anybody to know. I didn’t want to look old with wires hanging out of my ears. I didn’t want the whole world to know. I even hid it from my wife by learning to look at her whenever she spoke to me. At first she thought I was starting to be more attentive to her and she said she liked how I was always wanting to look in her eyes. I knew most people who are becoming deaf talk too loud, so I also started talking softer. She kept telling me to stop mumbling and speak up.

Now, after a year of this, she’s figured out I don’t hear her very well if I can’t read her lips. She has spent this whole month nagging me to go for a hearing test. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be one of those people who look old and deaf. I remember my grandmother’s hearing aid and she often didn’t wear it because it made noises that bugged her. I want my wife off my back, but I don’t want a hearing aid.

— Unhappy Husband, Transcona

Dear Unhappy Husband: You’re way behind the times. Many hearing centres in Winnipeg offer free hearing tests and an array of modern hearing aids — from completely invisible tobehind the ear — at many price points.

Wear your hair a little bit over your ears and no one will see a hearing aid of any size. There’s no need to be playing this game, especially with your wife since she knows what is going on and finds it seriously annoying that you won’t get help. She would appreciate having you back in the general conversation without having to study her lips. You can do preliminary hearing tests online, but you already know you have a noticeable hearing loss, so it would be best to make an appointment and have a real test. You might want your physician to refer you to a hearing specialist and a reputable hearing centre.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have been married just over a year and she’s really annoying me. At first I didn’t mind it because we were super-close and having sex two or three times a day. But this summer she drove me crazy because she wanted to sleep clinging onto my back, which gets me all hot and sweaty. I also don’t like the feeling of anybody clinging. It feels needy.

I want some space for sleeping and I thought she would get used to the idea that I will always love her and be nearby. After we make love, I also like a little cuddle, but then I’m tired and would like to roll away and fling my arms and legs out and sleep deeply on my back. No such luck. This morning I awoke from a dream where I was a snail trying to carry my heavy house on my back. Help!

— Carrying Her Body, Silver Heights

Dear Carrying Her Body: Don’t tell her about the snail dream. There’s a much nicer way to work with this. Tell her you want to cuddle her from the back so she feels loved and safe as she goes off to sleep. She will probably get to sleep faster as she won’t feel like she’s chasing you for that loving feeling.

When she’s sleeping, you can roll over and sleep on your back with one hand touching her so there’s still that connection. Tell her you would like to try that because you get too sweaty the present way, but you still want to show love and affection in the night.

Warning: buying her a body pillow to cling to is likely to go over badly with a new wife.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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