Husband tired of sharing bed with stuffed animal

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This article was published 22/09/2016 (3664 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve always had Teddy, a brown bear from my childhood, on the bed. My old boyfriends never complained, but then I got married. When we came back from our honeymoon this summer, my husband began inferring that he’s the leader of the household. This week’s fight took the cake. He said, “I have asked you to remove that childish teddy bear from our bed, and you have not. As your husband, I’m now demanding it go. This is my bed too, and you are overly attached to that toy.”

I said Teddy wasn’t going anywhere, and he grabbed Teddy and threw him up in the closet where I couldn’t reach. I started to cry and he slammed the door on his way out to work. I got on a stool, got Teddy down and put him back. When my husband came home he put it in the basement. I don’t know what to do. I always sleep with Teddy in my arms. I may be in my mid-20s now, but I love my bear and he has always had a place with me in my bed. What should do? — Teddy’s Girl, Steinbach

Dear Teddy’s Girl: Most wives wouldn’t be OK if their new husband wanted his stuffed teddy bear on their bed, and slept with him in his arms because it’s a shared bed, and the bed is the most intimate place of a marriage. Your Teddy is a competing love attachment. Maybe your husband would like to sleep in your arms instead of a cloth bear.

Sometimes toys such as clowns, bears or other things with faces become semi-real to owners, and that freaks out the non-owners. Perhaps Teddy could be placed in another room and not be banished to the basement, but try to understand, Teddy is not real and does not have feelings about anything. By the way, “as your husband I demand,” is an interesting phrase. Do you ever say “as your wife I demand… ?” That phrase needs to be banished from your marriage, and there should be discussions about mutual leadership.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: If a woman is madly in love with someone and does nothing about it, and she happens to be married, is this a crime or an act of bravery? I have to fight my feelings for this certain married man at work (my boss) every day. Lately I’ve been missing work, especially on Fridays when I’ve had a whole week of seeing him and I want desperately to go to dinner with him and spend time making passionate love. — Criminal or Heroine? West End

Dear Criminal or Heroine: If you are not going to leave your husband and your attractive boss is not going to leave his wife, you are just martyring yourself on a daily basis. It’s time to look for a different job in your area of interest, and get out of that workplace. You’ll soon be fired for your absences, anyway. On top of everything else, realize this boss couldn’t start seeing you even if he were free because he’s in a position of power over you. You could get angry and go after him for harassment if he got involved with you, and things didn’t go your way.

How is living a lie an act of bravery in your marriage? Admitting things are off track and you need marriage counselling would be an act of bravery.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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